the holiday

It’s the holidays again. A long, long rest after the many hours of studies, of learning. Of suffering. The time for family, time to unwind and live the carefree life however brief it may be. A time where the brain finally gets the rest it desperately needed. A time enjoy the weather and be happy.

Unfortunately, I am ill.

Such great timing. As I write this post, my throat is dry and my forehead is warm. My head is spinning and eyes are blurry. Some of my plans have to be postponed. Like going on a road trip, and visiting my Fake. I'm in no condition to travel. I hate my illness schedule. Of all the time in the world, the holidays are the time that it chooses to fall ill. One thing that I am grateful during my illness is that my apatite wasn’t affected. I ate like there’s no tomorrow. And every night I would feel a deep feeling of content in the pit of my stomach. Yeah, I intend to gain a few kilos while I'm still capable.

One of the many things I don’t like about the long holidays is that I can’t meet with my dear fake. Sure, I text her all the time. And we talk every other. But it isn’t the same with actually meeting her. How I missed her so. That is why I planned to visit her in Segamat. But alas, I am unable. Thus, here I am, missing her. Longing for her.

Another thing that I dislike about the holidays is that I would become bored easily. I am thinking of getting a job if I ever get too bored. Maybe even get my driver’s license, who knows.

All in all, I am looking forward for my holiday.

p/s: see u soon my love.

New Found Glory – Head On Collision Lyrics

I’ve been waiting for a good day
I’ve been holding back long enough
I’ve been hurting to tell you some things
it’s not the falling of the temperature
that’s making all our bones run cold
it’s the breeze you make
the presence felt when you’re around me

and it feels like I’m at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I’ve never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
form our head on collision
I’ve never seen this side of you
another tragic case

and I’m still waiting for a good day
I think I’ve held this long enough
I think it’s safe to tell you some things
it’s not just what you say to people
and it’s not the way you look at me
it’s the way you present yourself
for all your worst critics to see

and it feels like I’m at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I’ve never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
form our head on collision
I’ve never seen this side of you
another tragic case

then you were gone
you were gone
all this time you just didn’t know it yet
you were gone
all this time you just didn’t know it yet
you were gone

and it feels like I’m at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
form our head on collision
I’ve never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I’ve never seen this side of you
another tragic case
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
another tragic case and I’ve been
still waiting for a good day
still waiting for a good day





*melalak lgu ny time study :)

S.T.U.D.Y.

well, da lame ak x merapu lam bahasa ibunda *mostly rojak* so kalini ak berblog lam bahasa rojak la :)

bermula lah alkesah sorang pelajar dalam perjuangannya untuk memperoleh ilmu pengetahuan....
hehehe...ak la pelajar tu :)
siyes, x penah2 hayat ak study for an exam camni...siyes.
my parents would be proud kalu diooorg tw ak tgh study... padehal tgh blogging hehehehe...
jp lg ak smbung/start study...

yeah, two more weeks and ak akn rempuh exam first ak sebagai seorang pelajar institut pengajian tinggi...

CUAK WOOO!

da mane x cuak nyer...sume member *other universities* ak ckp ssh giler kalu exam kt ipt ny...
and i was like, 'damn, spm pown mujur lps...haiiiii naseb badan...'
hehehehe...my parents and my beloved Fake ckp, ak x bodo mane pown..*yes! ak x bodo!* just mls je...
maybe they're right la kowt... *hoping they're right :|*
so, tu lah sebab nyer ak buang tebiat tetibe stat study awl2... naseb la si Fake ny sabar melayan kerenah bf dye yg mls cm ula anaconda ny...sssssSSssSssssss...mkn tido mkan tido...tp bese skip part mkn tuh :)

okeyh, berbalik kepada topik asal.
yeah, mmg ak cuak nk exam....this is for my future... so, ak kene serius la study moody sume....
.....ok, x2.. just xde mende rhyme ngan study... so ak gne la adjective moody tuh....owh my grammar. :)

so, dari lubuk hati seorang insan yang x seberape ny, i would like to thank you my dear Fake, for pushing me all this while...*heh, ckp cm da abeh exam je :|*
its not too late kn, to do things that we never think of doing before...
be it study ke, memasak n tmbh mknn sampai 5 kali ke, for the first time balut file ke....
we try new things everyday....that's how it works....

okeyh la, rase cam da lme spend mase mengadap laptop tlis post ny....
cukup sampai disini buat sementara waktu......


sehingga bertemu lagi....

ja nee~ :)

The day I lost my mind.

Tis’ a story of how I lost my mind. I woke up one fine day. The sun was shining but it was dark and grey. I looked around me. Nothingness. A lonely soul, I a middle of nowhere. A nothing. An essence of nothingness. Then I saw two men. One is disheveled from top to bottom. A mad men. A poor man trying  simply to exist. The other men, his face filled with scorn. With pride in his chest, he condemned the poor man. Too proud to acknowledge others as equals.  When I looked away, I see a blind men, searching for his cane whilst he is already holding it. Blind for things that is right in front of him. I then heard a horrible noise. A man is calling out. Calling out for nothing of importance. A reprise of the boy who yelled wolf! Calling out. Trying to get itself noticed in a crowd where no one cares about what he does. Then I see a man, with a thousand faces. Which one is real, which is not, one has to wonder. Faces filled with lies and deceit. Then I see men running, who trips one another, just to have the satisfaction of being in front. While others fall, he smirks and kept on going. Repeating the same thing over and over and over again. Then I saw men, stabbing each other. Wondering who would fall first.  Fall and lay in a pool of others who had fallen before him. One false move, and a knife would stand erect on his back, bold gushing. Then I see men, bathed in sweat and tears, while another, enjoying the fruit of other’s labour, without any guilt in his eyes. A parasite who drains the soul until it dries. I see men, chasing money, greed fueling their hearts. Wanting to catch the ever elusive substance that made the world rotates.  

As I tried to absorb all of the things I see, a thought hit me. This is no dream. This is reality. This is how the world works.

flyleaf - again

I love the way that your heart breaks

With every injustice and deadly fate

Praying it all will be new

And living like it all depends on you

Here you are down on your knees again

Trying to find air to breathe again

And only surrender will help you now

I love you please see and believe again

Love that you’re never satisfied

With face value wisdom and happy lies

You take what they say and go back and cry

You’re so close to me that you nearly died

Here you are down on your knees again

Trying to find air to breathe again

And only surrender will help you now

I love you please see and believe again

They don’t have to understand you

Be still

Wait and know I understand you

Be still

Be still

Here you are down on your knees again

Trying to find air to breathe again

And only surrender will help you now

The floodgates are breaking and pouring out

Here you are down on your knees

Trying to find air to breathe

Right where I want you to be again

I love you please see and believe again

Here you are down on your knees

Trying to find air to breathe

Right where I want you to be again

See and believe!

bro, this is for you :) 

enjoy!

the one year mark of our relationship......

a lot of things have changed...

we have changed.....

i have nothing before.....but now, i have you.....

i was heartless and hard to reach....but you soften me up so easily....

i was empty before.....but now, i'm filled with your love.....

i was weak....but you continued to be my strength...

i was hardheaded....even now, but you could still make me do things that i don't want to...

i was so unsure of myself.....but recently, you helped me become me again....

it's true, we have our ups and downs...

all those fights....

all those tears....

all those times that i hurt you....

but hell, i've never been this happy....

the laughs we share...:)

the times we spent....

the memories we made....

the love you give....

if i was to die now, id die a happy man....

never have i found anyone who loves me like you do...

my only regret would be your sadness after im gone.....

damn, i can't continue writing this post...i cant think clearly with tears rolling down my cheek....

so, i'll leave it as it is...

i love you Anum Bt Norazman....so much...

happy 1st anniversary.

life, we learn.

every once in a while, i would be taken aback by how ignorant i am....or have been....
our existence is a lifelong journey of discovery....
either you learn something about the world, or you learn something about yourself....
it truly is magnificent and also mortifying at the same time....
one day you would learn that the world is unfair,
and the next you would learn that you are not as strong as you think...
the world is so vast and mysterious,
there are so many reasons to use for not knowing about the lessons of the world...
but about one self....how far do we know about our self?
what could be the reason for not knowing who we are?

more and more each day i am astounded of how i don't even know myself, the one who's been with me from the start...myself and i....
so this post, is dedicated to self discovery....

sometimes people would ask me, 'tell me a little bit of yourself''
i would be quiet....to think of what to say....
what do i really know about myself?

i know that my heart isn't mine anymore....cause i already gave it to Fake
i know that i am hot headed....its been proven again and again....
i know that i'm not that intelligent....very dumb to be precise :|
i know that i'm just a speck of dust....a nothing....

to list everything, it will take forever.....
but why is it that i would learn something new about myself every now and then?
is this a never ending discovery?
when would i fully understand MYSELF let alone to understand others...

Allah and His creation of me.....i am truly grateful....

so ask yourself everyday....what do you know about yourself.....

:) till next time....

ja nee~

the story of the girl i love.

   she wakes up every morning, the feeling of an ominous cloud hanging above her head. she knows quite well the sorrow that follows her around like a shadow. no escape. but yet, she still smiles for she knows that her sunshine would chase the dark clouds away, no matter how hard it may be, she knows that the warmth of the sunshine is always hers. hers and hers alone. and with every passing moment, her sunshine would slowly but surely shine through the darkness that resides in her heart. by midday, when her sun is at its brightest, she would feel like there's nothing that could hurt her. for the first time in her day, she is truly happy. feeling the warmth of her sun. but sometimes, the sun doesn't shine. the darkness would reign again. the coldness would crept into her heart, making it as cold as ice. but she would never waver. she would still hope her sun would shine. every single day. laughter, smiles, sorrow...all mixed and never missing from her day. with her head held high, she goes through it all without a single regret in her heart. the people around her would hurt her again and again, but she stayed strong. her heart is strong. day by day, betrayal by betrayal. every time she is knocked down, she would rise again, without saying one word. every evening, she would longed for her lover, her sunshine. for she knows she could feel comfort whenever she's with him. she would seek his warmth so she would be warm again after a day of being cold. she would fell asleep listening to his voice, calming her. and every morning, she would have mixed feelings. happy that she felt so calm, but sad because her blissfulness was too short. and her day would start all over again.

that is her routine, that is her life. for now.

she would wish for a perfect life....hoping on her future.
this is her story...where it ends, no one knows...
this.....

is the story of the girl i love

whole again - edge of fire

I will love u till the day I die
I would tell u how much I'll need u everyday
for my life long to love some one like u
with a heart silhouetted the perfect passion

I would try to be a better lover
I don't care if I lose my all
cause it's u I've been dreamin' for this life time
so here's my heart ,waitin' for u to take it baby
Come & take my heart tonite
cause it's u I've been waitin' for all the while
come & take my heart tonite
make me whole again

I see clouds filling up the moon
& the greens turnin' into blue & faded
I would say things were wrong & now I'm missin' u
I will have to make amends cause it'll be till the end

do u think I would stop for what I've been leavin' out these nights
girl I've been cravin' u'd be mine all mine
u are all that have made my life, I won''t let u down this time
baby I want u back here in my life forever

the truth behind the MASK

a mask...
it hides many things....
things that others wont know...
things that you keep for yourself....
no one would be able to see the true expression...
no one would be able to guess whats happening behind the mask

a mask....
to be able to hide behind that mask...
fearing of what the others might find...
fearing of your own weaknesses...
fearing of the things that would bring you down...
the things that are so fragile even the slightest touch could break in into pieces...

a mask...
some use it as a shield...
to protect the things inside them which are important, from being taken away from them....
some use it as a restraint, as to keep themselves from hurting those around them...

a mask...a thousand uses....
i am learning the arts of the mask....
learning to use it when the situation needed...
learning to depend on it....



everyone wears a mask....
and no one knows whats behind them....

story of boredom 2

well, i've got nothing to say so i wont say anything...
seriously, i don't have anything to say...
























































































quit scrolling down....















































































































there's noting to say! im not going to say anything.....
honestly!



























































































































































dont waste your time here......
there are more useful things to waste your time on.....































































































































































































you really like to waste time huh?



































































































































































it's really hard to understand people like you you know....






















































































































































































































































why are you so stubborn?
it's your hobby isn't it? i thought so...























































































































































































































































anyway, thanx for wasting time :)

KAWAN

lam dunia ny, org bese ckp, de dua jenis kwn....
kwn nanges, and kwn ketawa....
tu yg ak blaja laa.....time kecik2 dulu (time innocent)

tp makin ak besar, makin jumpe mcm2 jenis kwn....
cth, kwn yang ske tikam blakang.
yg ny agak bahaya laa....
spesis ny baik tw.... skali tgok, fuh! leh wt best friend wooo....
cm leh simpan secret....
cm leh thrust....
cm leh depend....

but in the end. spesis ny la yang paling banyak wt kucar hidup...

HUH!
kau harap dye support kau, tp in reality, they are the ones to bring you down...
they will be there not to pick you up when they see you down...
yeah, they will be there, but only to laugh at you...

crash and burn~

jenis kwn cmny siyes wt nyemak kt friend list kau....
mmg tol, kwn sume org and jgn wt musuh...
xsuh wt musuh pown....
kalu leh elak, elak....
just stop being too influenced with them....
don't let what they say effect you...
dont give a damn what they think about you....

ny nk cite sikit...
kalu btol name tu kwn,
xde nyer wt cmtu....
they will help you....not bring you down...
they will accept you for who you are....

they will try and understand you....
kalu diorang x phm, at least diorang akn wt effort nk understand korang....
thats my opinion laa....
xtw la trend skang ke ape kn...
ak old school cikit....
x reti sgt sal trend2 yg bru ny....

ade plak sestengah maknusia yg ckp diorg tuh kwn,
dye ny jenis yg spt sgt menilai tw....
spesis ny pown slalu wt ati tu mcm kene robek2 je....
huh.....
bile kite okeyh, okeyh laa.....
tp bile stu je silap, fuh!
berduyun2 spekulasi yg timbul......
cam siot je....serius....

judgmental much?!

giler laa.....xphm ak ngan maknusia2 camni.....
it makes me wonder actually.....
ke mmg purpose idop diorg tuh nk tunggu org wt silap so that they can hambur mcm2 jenis tuduhan....
hmmmm....kebarangkalian yg besar......
mmg nyusahkn idop..... ade je mende yg x kene....
perlu ke bkk mulot kalu someone tuh mess up even cikit je?
x smpt pe2 da tembak mcm firing squad jlnkn hukuman bunuh kt convicts zmn2 dlu....

heh....zmn dulu....
making friends, keeping friends....
the simpler times......

next, kite akn jumpe jenis kwn yg x kenang budi...
kwn2 camni, lg nykitkn ati.....
penat wooo...membanting tulang (xtw la tol x tatabahasa ak ny) wt something..
then, satu thanx pown xdpt?!
wht the.....then leh plak nk minx more??
pekejadahnyer.....
kalu tolong member tu xpe gak.....ny ka dok tepi peluk tubuh, then ka leh plak bukak2 mulot
bising2 komplen mcm2.....
hohohoho....ati mane x tebakar kn.....
org da elok2 tolong, da elok2 kasi 110% effort.....
pastu, nk bunyik gak? ye....yg terase tu, ye la tu.....
come on laa....kwn mmg snang nk carik.... tp ssh sgt ke nk appreciate kwn tuh??
susah?
ak bet lg snang la dr ka pk nk wt komplot pe plak pasni, nk sebar cite pe plak pasny....
seriously?

xphm tol laa......

kawan.....
bkn musuh.....
tp kalu yg name kwn tuh lg teruk dr musuh....
i dont know what to say laa....

heh, sape la sgt ak ny kn, nk bunyik2 kt sini....
tp pedulik pe ak? blog ak, suke ak laa!
WAHAHAHAHAHA!

so a few words sblom ak logout nk face dunia reality blek....

bile bekwn tuh, pndai2 la jage kwn.....
tp kalu kwn tuh da serupe cam musuh n stat pijak2 pale,

its time for REVENGE bebeh!!!!


wahahahahhaha...... (evil laugh)


thats all for now, thanx for reading :)
wasalam......

p.e.r.a.s.a.n. part 2

ok, so kal ini ak tunai janji, and cakap sal bab p.e.r.a.s.a.n. ny....

PART 2
hai si perasan sekalian....
kalu org ckp sal something tu, leh x jgn pk org tu tgh ckp sal kau?
yg kau tetibe nk rase kau la subjek/objek yg sdang dicakapkn tu nape?

heh, dunia x putar keliling kau tw x....
perasan penting tol laa....
huh, menyampah ak.....

kau perasn yg org treat kau cm kau tu besa sgt, and sbb tu, kau rase terdorong nk becite yang membesakn lg diri kau tu utk dpt attention....
mmg kurang kasih syg ea spesis kau ny?
tolong laa....mende ny dipanggil riak tw x? penah dgr?
laa....de blaja kn time skolah dlu.....
gi skolah x?
kau blagak n riak dgn pe yg kau ade, n kau expect sume org suke kau la?
bajet tol~ 

 huh.....tension tol ngan spesis perasan ny.....




*sorry sgt2..... tgh blogwalking blog sniri n bru prasan x publish lg mende ny.... 
hehehehe.... gomen!    >___<

Dark days

these past few days, the sun haven't been shining....
too many storms...
too many rain...
too much coldness....

i missed the warmness....
i missed the joy that the sun brings...
i missed the sun rays that would cheer me up at any given time.....
i missed all of it....

true, that after the dark clouds has passed, there will be a rainbow....
there is no doubt about that.... but a question still remains.....
how long will this dark days continue?
can i survive the coldness?
can i survive without the sun?

can i just simply survive?

the question remains.......

broken smile

how can a smile be broken?
what does a broken smile looks like?
a broken heart can heal, does a broken smile do the same?
what are broken smiles?

so much questions.....so little answers...
a broken smile...
some say it's one of the saddest thing to see....

smiling in the midst of sadness....
smiling when you are hurt....
smiling when your heart is not in it.....

sweetheart, no more broken smiles....
it's painful to see.....


i love you

appreciation

when someone does something for you, you should appreciate them...
show them that what they did means something to you....
the simplest form of appreciation is by saying 'thank you'...as simple as it is, i would mean a lot to someone...
if someone is happy, does it mean they don't need to be thanked?
if someone says that they don't WANT any appreciation, does it mean that they don't NEED them?
you would be surprised how the simple act of appreciating someone could effect the person....

when someone did something and it looks calm doing it, it doesn't mean that they didn't put their effort in doing the things that must be done...when a person knows that they are being appreciated, it would boost their spirit and enthusiasm in doing their work....who knows, they might be under a lot of pressure, and all that they need was to feel appreciated... who knows, that just a simple thank you or any other acts of appreciation may save someone from giving up completely.... when it comes to dealing with humans, you'll never know what might happen.... the greatest creation on the face of the planet is also the most unpredictable....so, appreciate what others did whenever you get the chance.... just put yourself in their shoes....don't you want to be appreciated as well?


when the world is being unfair to us, when everything is not going our way....
rather than sitting there feeling defeated, we have to appreciate all the things that happened to us....be it bad or good.... we must be thankful that we are given the chance to learn the values of patience, strength, and everything else in between... appreciate the chances that is given to us....if it involves humans, if they treat us like we don't deserve any appreciation, let it be... we became stronger because of it....

calmness

as i walked across the bridge, i looked around me.... no one...not a single soul in sight....but yet, i didn't feel lonely....i felt a sense of calmness....no one to make noises, making everything hectic....just me alone, in the middle of the bridge...thousand problems are playing on my mind but for that brief moment, i felt calm.... i felt at ease... for that brief moment, the world seems to agree with me...such peacefulness is rare, so rare nowadays... with all these hectic situations going on, i cling on that brief peacefulness so desperately....

peacefulness in the midst of chaos.....

between insanity and happiness

                There’s a fine line the both of them. Is being insane makes the person happy? Or is it the other way around? Happiness leads to insanity? Let’s take a few moments to ponder this matter.

Insanity.

                Being able to free your mind from all those burdening world problem. Being able to live in a world of your own, without even the slightest care at all. Being carefree. Laughing when you feel like it, crying when you feel like it. Be angry, have fun. To be you… but yet, the society scorn on the people who are considered insane. Ironically, the society itself dubbed these people who are different than them as insane. If this is what is called insanity, something the whole world should shun, than I would rather choose insanity. To be tied to what people say, what people think of you, that's not a way of life. that's not how i would want to live. i would rather be hated, isolated... to be free and doing things i want with the person i loved most. how heavenly that could be.. how happy i would feel. the world is plotting something against me. it's just a classic case of me against the world. if the people wants to say things, say it....i dont care....

hate me..
leave me..
cut me down...
like hell, i'm still me...
haters gonna hate....

i already got everything i need....
i got someone who loves me for who i am....
that's all i need....everything else i can live without.

i will be there when the burns down to the ground...when that time comes, i will be standing tall, laughing at all them haters...


i am insane.

useless

have you ever feel, that when something happens, something bad, and you have no control over it....
no control whatsoever?
have you ever missed that one chance to make things right? but hell, wish all you want, but that chance would never return....
have you ever make one small mistake, a mistake that escalates into something of catastrophical  proportions?
have you tried to fix something, but instead, you make things worse?

useless...
you'll feel so useless...because there's nothing you can do about it...
as you watch the things that is most important to you, the ones who you loved most,suffer for your uselessness.....
when you become the source of their pain....
how ironic....
the one you swore to protect, ends up being hurt by your hands.....
so damn useless.....


i am useless.

sleepless night

i dont know what else to do....everything i do would hurt you...your trust in me is no longer there i suppose....perhaps, all of the things that happens was because of me...but the one who took the blame was you... believe me when i say, my love for you has never change.... if you think that i am ignoring you, forgive me... if i can no longer comfort you with the things i do, or the things i said, im truly sorry... and to thought that things would be easier if i changed.....i was a fool.... if this is His way of testing me, so be it.... i trust that my love for you overcome these challenges.... i will not curse Him for testing me, i thank Him... please love, never doubt me.... the things i said are honest and true... i love you, and only you.... you said that you dont think that you can endure this no longer, i was heart broken.... i felt like you're giving up on our love.... i will never give you up.....you're the only thing worth fighting for.....

i love you, always...

choices

one after another, we would face with difficult choices..even if there is no right choice, you still have to choose. the choices, like it or not, we'll just have to live with it...
true, that some choices would hurt, but for the sake of something more important than you're own selfishness, you just have to endure....
things might not go the way you wanted, but never for a second lose sight of your goal, of you're plans.....of you're future...be strong and keep your head held high....
keep telling yourself that every storm will pass...
all in good time, things would be right for you, things will finally follow your way....but until that time, never go down without a fight...
at least, even if you go down, you go down swinging....

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded gun complex, cock it and pull it


all these challenges would be overcome...in time.....
for now, being patient with everything that's happening is the only thing that can bee done.


till next time...
sayonara~

Ants

There are more than 12,000 species of ants all over the world. An ant can lift 20 times its own body weight. If a second grader was as strong as an ant, she would be able to pick up a car! Some queen ants can live for many years and have millions of babies! Ants don’t have ears. Ants "hear" by feeling vibrations in the ground through their feet. When ants fight, it is usually to the death!

When foraging, ants leave a pheromone trail so that they know where they’ve been, Queen ants have wings, which they shed when they start a new nest. Ants don’t have lungs. Oxygen enters through tiny holes all over the body and carbon dioxide leaves through the same holes. When the queen of the colony dies, the colony can only survive a few months. Queens are rarely replaced and the workers are not able to reproduce.

scars

every scar has it's own story to tell...
behind each scar, there are sadness....laughter... disappointment....
some scars hold important history for a person....
some holds the key to the change of a person....

yes, scars define us all....
it shows the sadness we've been through.....
the hardship we overcome...
it shows that we are strong...
and it reminds us what we once were...
it reminds us that the past was real...

some scars heal....while others not so much.....
the scars that heal, never truly heal...they will still leave a mark...
at certain moments, these scars would hurt, threatening to rip open....
and the past would come back to haunt us....

but be strong....
these scars are proof that we are strong.... what we have been through...
so, be proud of your scars...
accept them, they will always be a part of you....

*listening to Scars by Papa Roach *


adieu~

so far away

Never feared for anything.
Never shamed but never free.
A laugh that healed my broken heart with all that it could

Lived a life so endlessly.
Saw beyond what others see.
I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could

Will you stay?
Or will you stay away forever?

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.
Place and time always on my mind.
I have so much to say but you're so far away.

Plans of what our futures hold
Foolish lies of growin' old
It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold.

A final song, a last request
A perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find a place in my mind

Where you can stay,
Or you can stay away forever.

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.
Place and time always on my mind.
I have so much to say but you're so far away.

Sleep tight, I'm not afraid.
The ones that we love are here with me.
Lay away a place for me
'Cause as soon as I'm done, I'll be on my way
To live on eternally.

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay
When I had so much to say and you're so far away.

I love you
You were ready
The pain is strong and urges rise
But I'll see you
When He lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands untied.

So far away.

I need you to know

So far away
And I need you to,
Need you to know...

pum pum.

well, guess what.....i made a new friend tonight.
i called him pum pum. he's a very good listener. too bad he can't talk. owh, and he's a pumpkin head. :|

i got soo bored, that i came to the level of talking to in animate objects. i wanted Fake to keep me company, to be close to me. But too much has happened that it made being close to Fake and spending time with her seem impossible. I've gone a long way form the old me. true, i still get moody sometimes. But i can bounce back twice as fast as i used to. Fake had been in a lot of pressure lately, so this change of mine is really important. I will take the responsibility of keeping Fake happy with her life.

i was lonely, its fine :)
i got no one to talk to, its fine :)
i made friends with a pumpkin head so i could keep myself company, its fine :)

everything is fine now... im not easily hurt anymore....
this is a new me, more matured then ever. and my mission is to ensure Fake's happiness :)


so when you read this, Fake, please know that im fine.... i can take care of myself. :)

lots of love :)



i'm out. got tonnes of work to do.
PEACE!

conflict

Every now and then, we would encounter situations that can be classified as conflicts. conflicts are bound to happen in any human relations because, as the name suggested, we are only human. These unpleasant situations are triggered by the disagreement or differences between two parties. 

   "Sometimes these differences look trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is at the core of the problem, such as a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy. (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq8_conflict_resolution.htm)

Here are some ways to overcome conflicts.

1. Communication.

    Whenever a conflict arises, the first thing to establish is the communication. Talking. Try to find the root of the problem. Once the problem is identified, actions to solve the problem could be taken. on thing to remember in this stage is keeping your temper (talking from experience here). Try being as rational and emotionally uninfluenced. When emotions are involved, things might get difficult. keeping a level head is the key to a successful communication.

2. Toleration (give and take)

    In creating a good communication and relation, the parties involved must be considerate with one another. The parties need to be tolerant and try to understand the opposite parties. When we try to understand them, we would be able to figure out what is the source of the disagreement. Try and create a situation where both parties win. Either that, or try to work something out and reach an agreement.

3. Acceptance

   One way or another, we have to try and accept what the other party is going through. If the fault is ours, we must accept our wrongdoings and apologize. Clear things out with the other party. If it is their flaw, just accept them as it is.

4. Focus on the problem.

   The tendency to go off topic is very high. As a result, the conflict would lead to another, much bigger, conflict. Stay on the topic. Rather than trying to win the argument, focus on resolving the matter at hand.

5. Leave the past in the past.

   It is a bad habit to evoke a past. Let it be. Bringing up things never help to resolve the conflict and more often than not, it worsen the current conflict or even trigger another conflict. Just stay on the current issue. In order to create a peaceful resolutions, we must learn how to let things go.

6. Self control.

    Self control is very important in any argument or conflict. We must learn how and when to back down in each situation. If we pushed things too far, things would get tense and the situation would become very hard to resolve, fast. Whenever thins get too heated, take a step back and calm yourself before things go go out of control.

7. Avoidance

    Avoiding a conflict is usually a the way everyone choose. It is easy, and no complications. But BEWARE. Running away doesn't solve anything. 

Conflict can be distressing. True. But, if you think positive and see it as an opportunity, it can help you in various ways such as the process of growing up and being more mature.

i just got, as you can say, INSPIRATION to write in my ever so lonely blog.... :)

i was bored so i started to blog walking, as Fake usually do when i don't update my blog or when she's bored....
so it turns out, blog walking is kinda fun.....
sooo many people blogged about 'useful' stuff :)
just one regret though.....they have tonnes of followers.....
(and i'm like, WHY WON'T ANYONE EVER READ MY BLOG AND FOLLOW IT!!)
so sad........ :'(

i guess no one follows my blog coz i write only personal stuff.....
well, hell!
i'll write what i wanna write coz Fake loves it!!

here's a pic of her...enjoy~

but next time, i promise to write something worth reading~ :)





MiQatsum out! PEACE!

a dedication to Fake and Stoneface.

well, i can't say that i know what love is.....no one knows... only He knows what love really is...
the love that i know, heh, is not an ordinary one. :)

so, this post, i dedicate to myself and to my lovely Fake...the story of love....

love...the one that i know of, is full of surprise.....
i thought that in love, you should try your best to make your partner happy....
i thought that in love, you should never hurt  your partner's feeling....
i thought that in love, words are enough to show your love....
i thought that in love, actions can either hurt or heal....
i thought that in love, only happiness exist...that sadness isn't love....
i thought that in love, you must support each other the best you can....
i thought that in love, failure is the end....

the hell, that was my biggest mistake. THINK.

i just realized, thinking wont work.....
i've wasted so much time, thinking....
planning....
figuring out what i should do next....
i've done too much thinking, that i forgot to enjoy....
love isn't like that....
enjoy what you have, and have a goal for the future....
what happens in between, well, we'll have to figure it out as we go along..... :)

this is me, taking a step back and enjoying love...


peace!

dedication to fake iv

love isn't easy.....things would get rough from time to time......
things might look like they are falling apart.....but you just have to brave it through....
the reward? your bond wold be stronger..... your love, deeper....
hell, my Fake and i have been through a lot of fights..... (well, most of them my fault :| )
and was really greatfull that Fake would still love an  idiot like me....
all the sacrifices she made....the pain she felt.....the things she had to put up with...
i know quite well that i am a real hand full and i know it is very tiring to keep me happy...
all i needed to do is show her that her effort is appreciated....
damn, i really sucked at showing appreciation......
all i could do is say thanx....sometimes, randomly i would say thanx, for no apparent reason...
maybe thats not enough....she needs to be appreciated, properly.
this is one of my flaws that i am yet to fix....
so, this dedication is dedicated to show my appreciation.

love,

before its too late, i would like to thank you for everything you've done so far....
thanx  for the laughs....for all the smiles that made my day.....
thanx for taking care of me....in my sickness and in health....
thanx for the support you have given me.....
thanx for trying to change me..making me a better man... (i know its hard, sorry for that.)
thanx for the late nights, keeping me company...
thanx for just being there, at times when i needed you most.....
thanx for all those things you did, even when you hated doing it.....
thanx for the tears....am i worth your tears?
thanx for the fights...we grew strong after each one....
thanx for being mad at me.....i learned that i need to grow up....
thanx for being you.....

i  could write on forever, to appreciate all those things you did for me.....
but the most important thing is...

























































































thanx syg, for loving me......

thanks for the loneliness

the sound of the waves.....
so soothing and calm.....
the gentle movements...so peaceful....
happy laughter drifts from the shore....
children, beaming with smiles.....
but somehow, loneliness crept into my soul as i stare at the horizon....
the emptiness of the sea felt so real...
the loneliness so strong, that i felt numb.....
empty....
hearing laughter, i felt nothing...
seeing everyone else having fun, i felt nothing.....
the emptiness gave me a lot to think of......
the loneliness opened my eyes.....

i am weak.....
i am nothing without her.....
like the footprint vanishing at the shore....
washed away by the waves....
not even leaving a trace behind....
i am insignificant......a nothing.....

yes, i am alone....
but i am not.
never truly alone......
i embraced my loneliness.....
then it became my strength..
for i know, she would always be there...

the warmness came back to my heart.....
and a small smile escaped my lips....

thank you....for the loneliness....

inner conflict

she's not mine...
i don't own her....
she could smile to anybody she wants....
she can laugh at anybody's joke...

she's not mine...
i don't own her...
she can say hi to anyone she wants...
she can talk to anyone she wants....

she's not mine....
i don't own her...
i can't tell her what she can and can't do...
i don't have the rights to do so....

she's not mine...
i don't own her....
i can't force her to keep me company...
i can't ask for her attention all the time...

she's not mine.....

hey Jealous, quit it will you?
it's hard enough as it is....quit making things harder for us....

Heart is right....
just stop it....that's enough....
those are just bulls#it....
i don't need those bulls#it!
i have enough to things think of....
you're focusing on the wrong things...

yeah, Jealous...
you know he's right..
he's Brain...he knows everything about us....
you and that best friend of yours, Greed...
quit being so dominant will you?!
its getting stuffy in here!!
i have to hear all of the other feelings complaint....
and all they complaint about are you two!
i haven't heard from Anger for a while now...

yo, Greed here...
so what? i want her....i need her...
all of her!
everything about her!
i want it all!

Greed...Jealous....
both of you are giving Heart a hard time....
true, love isn't a simple thing...
BUT CHILL OUT WILL YOU!!
both of you are missing what's important...
we have her heart.....what else do you need Greed, Jealous?
you have something no one else have....
just be patient.....
soon, we would mean everything to her....
soon, we would be her world.....
soon.....

when her title change from girlfriend to wife...
we would have everything that we ever wanted....





"i loved you for a thousand years, i'd love you for a thousand more"

If tomorrow never comes.

recent event had made me thinking....

what if today was your last day. that there would never again be a tomorrow. what would you do? your last moments....who would you spend it with? what can you do to make it worth while?

these questions crossed my mind as i watch my Fake cry... (al-fatihah to her departed granfather) for the very first time, i saw my Fake cry...heart breaking...she is the strongest girl i ever met, and the news that she received made her cry....and i only stood there. helpless. as i watch her pulling herself together, a feeling of admiration washer over me. my opinion of her emotional strength is confirmed. she is very strong. then it got me thinking....if that would happen to me....how would i react to a news like that? i realize, i am nothing compared to her. as i watch and praised her, the question hit me.

what if i die the next day. only one more day to live.

the first thing that i would do is seek forgiveness...first, from the almighty Allah, and say thanks for giving me a chance to live....then i'll from my loved ones....i would tell my mom thanx for doing such a great job raising me. i'd thank her for all the meals, the fatigue that she had to go through just to make sure i am ok...and i will tell her im sorry for everything that i have done wrong....then to my father, i will say that im sorry for being o rebellious in the past.....and thank him for teaching me how to be a man.... next, my sisters....i'll tell big sis that i approve of her bf. next, the my most important girl, my ANUM, the one who cherished me....the only one who dared to share her heart with me....i'll dont think any words could convey whats in my heart. the only words that came to mind are:

thank you for the adventure. i am sorry. i love you. 

i know that its not much, but thats all that i can think of in this sadness. 

next, i would spend time with the ones i love. i'll hang out with big sis, i'll talk to little sis, and i will hug mom and dad. and i'll tell them that i love them. then i'll spend time with my Fake...makes sure that she understands that i dont want to see her tears...for my last memory, i would like her to smile... then i would settle all my buisness up here on earth, before the dirt eat me up....

on my last day, i dont want to be alone. i will bathe it the company of friends and family (anum, you are goung to become both)...i'll laugh, i'll have fun. forget about going to see places before you die...i would rather be at somewhere that i am comfortable with...i place like home...i'd eat the most delicious foods (mom's cooking and if possible, anum's too)..i would indulge myself...i would enjoy myself....i won't leave with any regrets

when death comes for me, i will go willingly...i have done enough damage to the world...

if tomorrow never comes.....

letters of apology

dear readers,

i have a very harsh way of spilling my thoughts..
the way i think, the way i speak, will reflect on my writing

i would not delete my post nor will i edit the contents...
what i wrote, i wont take back...
if the things i said hurt anyone, i would sincerely apologize...
even if i delete it, the damage has already been done....

i know that what i've done is wrong...
i also know that this apology wont be enough...
the best method is to apologize face to face....
but im not strong enough to do that...

again, i am sorry.....

darlin~

Darlin - AVRIL LAVIGNE

Darling
You're hiding in the closet once again,
Start smiling...
I know you're trying
Real hard not to turn your head away
Pretty darling...
Face tomorrow, tomorrow is not yesterday
Yesterday oh oooooh

[Chorus:]
Pretty please
I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
But love you the best that I can
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Darling
I was there once a while ago
I know
That it's hard to be stuck with
People that you love
When nobody trusts

[Chorus]

You're not the only one who's been through
I've been there alone and now so are you
I just want you to know, want you to know it's not your fault.
It's not your fault
Your fault, your fault
It's not your fault
Your fault, your fault, your fault

[Chorus x2]

Darling
You're hiding in the closet once again,
Start smiling...


dedicated to my pretty darling....
love you FAKE~

masalah

kalu kau de masalah, cakap.....
ny prinsip yg ak pgg and amal...

when you have a problem with something, put some effort in solving it....
if you have a problem with someone, tell them....

wt mende la kau dok diam je kalu de prob ngan someone ny....
1st, its painful....
kau pendam sakit ati kau dgn someone tu, makin lame makin makn dlm tw x?

pe msalahnyer ngan bgtw pe mslh kau tu?
org tu tw, dye leh ubah.....
its the nature of change.

kau mmg x penah phm ea, mende yg dipanggil change tu...
ye laa, kau pown x change gak....
da ramai org tunjuk pe flaw kau...
org tegur face to face, kau reject.
kau menyalak kt org yg tegur kau tu....
but when org wt care yg x obvious sgt, kau reject gak....
kau menyalak lg kuat.....

bark! bark! bark!

org nk tolong kau...
org nk elak dr benci kau....
weh,bnyak lg keje laen dr benci2 ny....
ingat org ske sgt ke nk benci?

2nd, kalu kau pilih nk diam n pendam je rase xpuas ati kt org tu, xnk confront msalah kau, then choose la untuk diam...
xpenah dgr term ny gak?

DIAM....

xperlu kn, nk jaja cite kt org yg kau de mslh ngan someone tu...
bnyak mende lg bepaedah la nk wt....
mende simple je kn.

go meet that someone, and tell him or her your problem.

then settel la masalah tu....
xpyh la nk tarik panjang2 kn....
kalu kau libat org yg kau problem tu, xpe...
no harm done.
tp kalu sume org kau nk libatkan, kau nk susahkan sume org, hell, mmg spesis x gune la kau ny...
rosak lg merosakkan....
mmg bad influence la kau ny....

huh!

masalah kau, settel sniri laa....FACE TO FACE
kalu kau nk nyorok blakang everything and menyalak dr jauh je, whats the use?
a dog barking at the moon....
sbb kau takot, tu je la yang kau mampu wt kn....

bark! bark! bark!

damn.
ske nyusahkan org....
ok laa....
sudah2 la ak luahkan perasaan kt post ny....


see ya'

p.e.r.a.s.a.n.

ok, sbb da di request, ak tlis la sal topik tg agak hangat2 taik aym ny....
but first, sape laa yg gi check taik aym tu hangat ke x....xde keje laen ke?
i'm just sayin'~

back to the main topic.
look around you......

mmg kompem de spesisssss yg menjengkelkn ny...
siyes....otak diorang gune tuk pe tah....
xpenah nk tgok the bigger picture...
sempit giler pemikiran sehhh....
nk kate kolot, sesuai gak laa....

yo,
kalu asyik dok lam plenet yg kau imagine sniri, kau xkn kemane laa.....
fine mmg de saying

"wt la pe2 pown....asalkan kau happy" 
*sorry pade tuan punyer ayt, whoever that is...


yeah kau mmg happy, tp real x happy kau tu?
kowt ye pown nk happy, xpyh la tarik org laen n wt diorang rase annoying...
xperlu kn, kau nk heboh satu dunia ny betapa perasan nyer kau..... 
kalu nk perasan, perasan diam2 suda....

 

yare yare~

weh, sedar laa.....
kalu org wt baek tu, x semestinyer de agenda laen....
da kalu mmg sifat dye baek cmtu, yg kau tetibe nk rase special pehal?
then, kau gi kecoh2 kat sumer orang.....
heh, kau mmg x perasan ea diorang wt muke time kau cite sal keperasanan kau tu?
sah lembab laa....xpeke langsung ngan keadaan sekeliling....
kau maybe xtw, tp most of them lyn kau sbb kesian ngan penyakit delusional kau tu...


haihhhh....sedarlah wahai si p.e.r.a.s.a.n.....


ok, sambung kt part 2~




~see ya~