Back again

Holy shit... I've actually forgotten that I have a blog...

Are blogs still relevant?

For those keeping track, I'm already 27. In three years I'll hit 30. I'm feeling really old right now. Not much has changed since I last wrote here, so...yeah. I'm getting really rusty at writing and that's a real shame. I need to do this more often.

That's it for now I guess.

Short story

Been a while huh. So my girl is holding this writing contest for her coursework. I decided to write again. Haahah. Enjoy

A Journey’s End

     He lay there motionless, the cold slowly creeping to his core. He could hear the faint murmurs as the crowd gathers, a siren wailing in the distance. They say that when you’re about to die, your whole life flashes before you, but for this man, all he sees is one person. Auburn hair, soft emerald eyes, lips never without a smile. He holds this image dearly, focusing on a single moment in his life.

     He was holding her hand as he lays in bed. Her hair no longer, her eyes dull and lifeless. She was all too different now. He calls her name ever so softly and a smile broke onto her lips. That’s the smile he loved so very dearly. He feels a tremendous amount of guilt and sadness as she had gone long before him. All those years passed yet he still mourns for her. He still yearns for her touch. He cursed his fate for not being able to see her smile anymore. He breathed his last.

     I appear before him. His time on this plane has come to an end. I held out my hand and he took it. I guided him up to his feet. He looked down at his feet, the flesh that was him moments ago sprawled on the ground, the flowers he brought for her grave scattered. He looked at me with understanding and acceptance. “Will I see her there?” he asked, his voice trembled. I gave a slight nod and gently tug his shaking hand. As we walked to the light, I can hear her voice calling for his name. A gentle warmness envelops us as we step through the gates.

     I couldn’t help but smile. Its moments like this that I don’t hate what I do.

-Miqatsum

Im a human too.

    Recently someone has pulled the ''but you're a teacher'' card on me. Yea. I know. I'm tired of that fucking label. I'm a human too damnit. I'm not a teacher 24/7. I have my personality. And i damn well have my own me time. Why the fuck do i have to be pressed by the label of a teacher. Owh, I'm a teacher, i can't be myself on my own time? Owh, I'm a teacher, i have to be perfect, reflecting the aesthetics of a teacher all the fucking time? I can't curse. I can't have any fun. I have to be a perfect fucking role model every fucking second of my life? I have to bow my head SYMP all the fucking time? Is that it? Is that all i am?

No one's gonna consider the person behind the fucking label? I ain't worth shit if im not a teacher? I don't matter if i ain't a teacher?

Yea sure. I can fake it. I do it at school. Why don't i fucking do it all the time all my life. X susah pon kan. Easy. Cikgu kan. Xkan xboleh buat. We're just robots for the nation kan.

Salutations

Holy shit it's been a while...

Welp hello there anyone who's reading this. My apologies for not writing here in like...a year I guess...

Don't really got time to write stuff more than a few lines. Still...it's nice to write again. School is very stressful. But one good thing happened recently is that my girls hockey team won the district championship. That's cool. Sacrificed loads for that team. To finally get somewhere, it's a really good feeling. Winning something instead of always losing is quite refreshing. Welp... That's all the time i got.

Jaa ne.

Life

Life...
I really start to reexamine my life when people who are close to me took another step in their life. This realization that I tried to push down, dawned on me when my sister got married. I got nothing against my brother in law, but the moment they got married, I lost a lil part of my ohana. She took on the role of a wife, and I see her less and less. She's got a whole new life now... the person who I knew my whole life. My sister. I miss the time when she was only my sister. Mine.

And now, my cousin, my brother in arms, a dude who I really get along with (which is rare), whom I admired, the dude who was reckless and way more matured than I will ever be, has taken the next step. He got engaged. Congrats bro, I honestly feel happy for ya.

But somehow, im sad. Where am I in life? Haven't got a job. Have no money to my name. Still childish as hell... it got me thinking.
I was once so sure of my life. So confident of my path. That all changed when she betrayed me. I got lost. And being lost for sowords long changes you...

I trust a little less. I believe a little less.

Im already 24... and hell, im still a mess. What the fuck am I doing with my life...

'That's their road love, not yours'

Yeah... I know... but it still made me wonder.. what could've been... I've wasted 4 years of my life chasing something that I thought I wanted... and one word that could describe my feelings rite now is...

...abandoned.

Words could never truly reveal what is hidden behind this shattered ruins of what once was a heart. I will now and forevermore swallow my words, and keep moving on through this sickening, muddy life.

Saraba