a dedication to Fake and Stoneface.

well, i can't say that i know what love is.....no one knows... only He knows what love really is...
the love that i know, heh, is not an ordinary one. :)

so, this post, i dedicate to myself and to my lovely Fake...the story of love....

love...the one that i know of, is full of surprise.....
i thought that in love, you should try your best to make your partner happy....
i thought that in love, you should never hurt  your partner's feeling....
i thought that in love, words are enough to show your love....
i thought that in love, actions can either hurt or heal....
i thought that in love, only happiness exist...that sadness isn't love....
i thought that in love, you must support each other the best you can....
i thought that in love, failure is the end....

the hell, that was my biggest mistake. THINK.

i just realized, thinking wont work.....
i've wasted so much time, thinking....
planning....
figuring out what i should do next....
i've done too much thinking, that i forgot to enjoy....
love isn't like that....
enjoy what you have, and have a goal for the future....
what happens in between, well, we'll have to figure it out as we go along..... :)

this is me, taking a step back and enjoying love...


peace!

dedication to fake iv

love isn't easy.....things would get rough from time to time......
things might look like they are falling apart.....but you just have to brave it through....
the reward? your bond wold be stronger..... your love, deeper....
hell, my Fake and i have been through a lot of fights..... (well, most of them my fault :| )
and was really greatfull that Fake would still love an  idiot like me....
all the sacrifices she made....the pain she felt.....the things she had to put up with...
i know quite well that i am a real hand full and i know it is very tiring to keep me happy...
all i needed to do is show her that her effort is appreciated....
damn, i really sucked at showing appreciation......
all i could do is say thanx....sometimes, randomly i would say thanx, for no apparent reason...
maybe thats not enough....she needs to be appreciated, properly.
this is one of my flaws that i am yet to fix....
so, this dedication is dedicated to show my appreciation.

love,

before its too late, i would like to thank you for everything you've done so far....
thanx  for the laughs....for all the smiles that made my day.....
thanx for taking care of me....in my sickness and in health....
thanx for the support you have given me.....
thanx for trying to change me..making me a better man... (i know its hard, sorry for that.)
thanx for the late nights, keeping me company...
thanx for just being there, at times when i needed you most.....
thanx for all those things you did, even when you hated doing it.....
thanx for the tears....am i worth your tears?
thanx for the fights...we grew strong after each one....
thanx for being mad at me.....i learned that i need to grow up....
thanx for being you.....

i  could write on forever, to appreciate all those things you did for me.....
but the most important thing is...

























































































thanx syg, for loving me......

thanks for the loneliness

the sound of the waves.....
so soothing and calm.....
the gentle movements...so peaceful....
happy laughter drifts from the shore....
children, beaming with smiles.....
but somehow, loneliness crept into my soul as i stare at the horizon....
the emptiness of the sea felt so real...
the loneliness so strong, that i felt numb.....
empty....
hearing laughter, i felt nothing...
seeing everyone else having fun, i felt nothing.....
the emptiness gave me a lot to think of......
the loneliness opened my eyes.....

i am weak.....
i am nothing without her.....
like the footprint vanishing at the shore....
washed away by the waves....
not even leaving a trace behind....
i am insignificant......a nothing.....

yes, i am alone....
but i am not.
never truly alone......
i embraced my loneliness.....
then it became my strength..
for i know, she would always be there...

the warmness came back to my heart.....
and a small smile escaped my lips....

thank you....for the loneliness....

inner conflict

she's not mine...
i don't own her....
she could smile to anybody she wants....
she can laugh at anybody's joke...

she's not mine...
i don't own her...
she can say hi to anyone she wants...
she can talk to anyone she wants....

she's not mine....
i don't own her...
i can't tell her what she can and can't do...
i don't have the rights to do so....

she's not mine...
i don't own her....
i can't force her to keep me company...
i can't ask for her attention all the time...

she's not mine.....

hey Jealous, quit it will you?
it's hard enough as it is....quit making things harder for us....

Heart is right....
just stop it....that's enough....
those are just bulls#it....
i don't need those bulls#it!
i have enough to things think of....
you're focusing on the wrong things...

yeah, Jealous...
you know he's right..
he's Brain...he knows everything about us....
you and that best friend of yours, Greed...
quit being so dominant will you?!
its getting stuffy in here!!
i have to hear all of the other feelings complaint....
and all they complaint about are you two!
i haven't heard from Anger for a while now...

yo, Greed here...
so what? i want her....i need her...
all of her!
everything about her!
i want it all!

Greed...Jealous....
both of you are giving Heart a hard time....
true, love isn't a simple thing...
BUT CHILL OUT WILL YOU!!
both of you are missing what's important...
we have her heart.....what else do you need Greed, Jealous?
you have something no one else have....
just be patient.....
soon, we would mean everything to her....
soon, we would be her world.....
soon.....

when her title change from girlfriend to wife...
we would have everything that we ever wanted....





"i loved you for a thousand years, i'd love you for a thousand more"

If tomorrow never comes.

recent event had made me thinking....

what if today was your last day. that there would never again be a tomorrow. what would you do? your last moments....who would you spend it with? what can you do to make it worth while?

these questions crossed my mind as i watch my Fake cry... (al-fatihah to her departed granfather) for the very first time, i saw my Fake cry...heart breaking...she is the strongest girl i ever met, and the news that she received made her cry....and i only stood there. helpless. as i watch her pulling herself together, a feeling of admiration washer over me. my opinion of her emotional strength is confirmed. she is very strong. then it got me thinking....if that would happen to me....how would i react to a news like that? i realize, i am nothing compared to her. as i watch and praised her, the question hit me.

what if i die the next day. only one more day to live.

the first thing that i would do is seek forgiveness...first, from the almighty Allah, and say thanks for giving me a chance to live....then i'll from my loved ones....i would tell my mom thanx for doing such a great job raising me. i'd thank her for all the meals, the fatigue that she had to go through just to make sure i am ok...and i will tell her im sorry for everything that i have done wrong....then to my father, i will say that im sorry for being o rebellious in the past.....and thank him for teaching me how to be a man.... next, my sisters....i'll tell big sis that i approve of her bf. next, the my most important girl, my ANUM, the one who cherished me....the only one who dared to share her heart with me....i'll dont think any words could convey whats in my heart. the only words that came to mind are:

thank you for the adventure. i am sorry. i love you. 

i know that its not much, but thats all that i can think of in this sadness. 

next, i would spend time with the ones i love. i'll hang out with big sis, i'll talk to little sis, and i will hug mom and dad. and i'll tell them that i love them. then i'll spend time with my Fake...makes sure that she understands that i dont want to see her tears...for my last memory, i would like her to smile... then i would settle all my buisness up here on earth, before the dirt eat me up....

on my last day, i dont want to be alone. i will bathe it the company of friends and family (anum, you are goung to become both)...i'll laugh, i'll have fun. forget about going to see places before you die...i would rather be at somewhere that i am comfortable with...i place like home...i'd eat the most delicious foods (mom's cooking and if possible, anum's too)..i would indulge myself...i would enjoy myself....i won't leave with any regrets

when death comes for me, i will go willingly...i have done enough damage to the world...

if tomorrow never comes.....

darlin~

Darlin - AVRIL LAVIGNE

Darling
You're hiding in the closet once again,
Start smiling...
I know you're trying
Real hard not to turn your head away
Pretty darling...
Face tomorrow, tomorrow is not yesterday
Yesterday oh oooooh

[Chorus:]
Pretty please
I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
But love you the best that I can
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Darling
I was there once a while ago
I know
That it's hard to be stuck with
People that you love
When nobody trusts

[Chorus]

You're not the only one who's been through
I've been there alone and now so are you
I just want you to know, want you to know it's not your fault.
It's not your fault
Your fault, your fault
It's not your fault
Your fault, your fault, your fault

[Chorus x2]

Darling
You're hiding in the closet once again,
Start smiling...


dedicated to my pretty darling....
love you FAKE~

my heroine

The hurt begin to peak
A smile of pain arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breathe starts to shorten
And heartbeats feel softer
You will try to save me!
You just want to love me!
But im still desperate!

You thaught my heart, a sense I never knew I had.
I can’t forget, the times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
Your my heroin....

You won’t leave me alone!
Chisel my heart out of stone!
You taunt my heart, a sense I never knew I had
I can’t forget, the times I was lost an depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
Your my heroin!

I bet you laugh,
at the thought of me thinking for myself.
I beg you believe,
that I’m better off with you than someone else.

Your face arrives again,
all hope I had becomes so real.
But under your covers more torture than pleasure
And just past your lips there mores anger than laughter
Not now or forever will I ever change you
I know that to go on, I’ll break you my habit!

You thaught my heart,
a sense I never knew I had.
I can’t forget,
the times when I was lost and depressed form the awful truth
How do you do it?
Your my heroin!
I will save myself!


i dont deserve you...you forgiven me everytime i've done you wrong....everytime that i hurt you...everytime that i disappoint you....i've used up all of my sorry...they won't mean anything to you anymore....all i ever did was hurt you...never was i there to support you when you needed me most....too many of your tears had been shed because of me...i never learned from my mistakes but yet, you still forgave me for the same mistakes that ive done....i dont deserve you...every time im down, your there to pick me up...ive never returned that favour...im never there when i am needed....and as my tears flow, i realized how useless i have been....how unfair i have treated you...testing your love, your patience....over and over again...

im sorry...i dont deserve you...i dont deserve your patience...i dont deserve your forgiveness...i dont even deserve your love...

no title is needed

112 ways to say... I LOVE YOU

English - I love you

Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief

Albanian - Te dua

Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)

Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)

Armenian - Yes kez sirumen

Bambara - M'bi fe

Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi

Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu

Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo

Bulgarian - Obicham te

Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah

Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a

Catalan - T'estimo

Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse

Chichewa - Ndimakukonda

Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)

Creol - Mi aime jou

Croatian - Volim te

Czech - Miluji te

Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig

Dutch - Ik hou van jou

Esperanto - Mi amas vin

Estonian - Ma armastan sind

Ethiopian - Afgreki'

Faroese - Eg elski teg

Farsi - Doset daram

Filipino - Mahal kita

Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua

French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore

Frisian - Ik hâld fan dy

Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort

Georgian - Mikvarhar

German - Ich liebe dich

Greek - S'agapo

Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo

Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw

Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe (Thanks Craig)

Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)

Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)

Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw

Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae

Hmong - Kuv hlub koj

Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta

Hungarian - Szeretlek

Icelandic - Eg elska tig

Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw

Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu

Inuit - Negligevapse

Irish - Taim i' ngra leat

Italian - Ti amo

Japanese - Aishiteru

Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene

Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka

Kiswahili - Nakupenda

Konkani - Tu magel moga cho

Korean - Sarang Heyo

Latin - Te amo

Latvian - Es tevi miilu

Lebanese - Bahibak

Lithuanian - Tave myliu

Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu

Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu

Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni

Marathi - Me tula prem karto

Mohawk - Kanbhik

Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik

Nahuatl - Ni mits neki

Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni

Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg

Pandacan - Syota na kita!!

Pangasinan - Inaru Taka

Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo

Persian - Doo-set daaram

Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay

Polish - Kocham Ciebie

Portuguese - Eu te amo

Romanian - Te iubesc

Russian - Ya tebya liubliu

Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort

Serbian - Volim te

Setswana - Ke a go rata

Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You')

Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan

Sioux - Techihhila

Slovak - Lu`bim ta

Slovenian - Ljubim te

Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo

Swahili - Ninapenda wewe

Swedish - Jag alskar dig

Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di

Surinam - Mi lobi joe

Tagalog - Mahal kita

Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li

Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe

Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen

Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu

Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)

Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)

Turkish - Seni Seviyorum

Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu

Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo

Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)

Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)

Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di

Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh

Yoruba - Mo ni fe

if u still dont get the message, then i dont know what else to do...

leaving on a jet plane

"Leaving On A Jet Plane"

  All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go 

attention!!

91 things girls should know about guys...
(just for fun...)

Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.

Guys hate other flirts.

A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is.

Are you doing something?” or “Have you eaten already?” are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics.

Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention.

Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

Guys cry!!!

Don’t provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

Guys can never dream and hope too much.

Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

When you touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.

Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow”. So true.

You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

Guys hate gays!

Guys love their moms.

A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean that the guy likes her.

You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

Guys are very open about themselves.

It’s good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don’t let him wait that long.

No guy is bad when he is courting

Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

Guys really admire girls that they like even if they’re not that much pretty.

If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice…….very true.

A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts. ……..sumtimes.

Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

Guys virtually brag about anything.

Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

Guys think too much.

Guys don't think enough.

Guys’ fantasies are unlimited.

Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight does!……very true.

Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed kitten with their girlfriends.

When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he’s sweating. You’ll probably see that he is nervous.

When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me”……sumtimes.

Guys don’t really have final decisions.

When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him….it's very important.

If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

Guys believe that there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

Guys like femininity not feebleness.

Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.

A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

A guy would waste his time over video games and football, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

Guys love girls who can cook or bake. ….they love u regardless.

Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!……true but only when the guys are ready to be settled down.

A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

A guy’s friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

Don’t be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

Don’t be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you’ll be surprised.

Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

Guys don’t comprehend the statement “Get lost” too well.

Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.

Guys don’t care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they’ll realize they’re wrong.

Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He’s just too stubborn to deal with it.

Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

Guys’ weakest point is at the knee.

When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

When a guy looks at you, either he’s amazed by you or he’s criticizing you.

If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you’re with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

Girls are allowed to touch boys’ things. Not their hair!

If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.

Guys hate girls who overreact. ……sumtimes.

Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.