Life

Life...
I really start to reexamine my life when people who are close to me took another step in their life. This realization that I tried to push down, dawned on me when my sister got married. I got nothing against my brother in law, but the moment they got married, I lost a lil part of my ohana. She took on the role of a wife, and I see her less and less. She's got a whole new life now... the person who I knew my whole life. My sister. I miss the time when she was only my sister. Mine.

And now, my cousin, my brother in arms, a dude who I really get along with (which is rare), whom I admired, the dude who was reckless and way more matured than I will ever be, has taken the next step. He got engaged. Congrats bro, I honestly feel happy for ya.

But somehow, im sad. Where am I in life? Haven't got a job. Have no money to my name. Still childish as hell... it got me thinking.
I was once so sure of my life. So confident of my path. That all changed when she betrayed me. I got lost. And being lost for sowords long changes you...

I trust a little less. I believe a little less.

Im already 24... and hell, im still a mess. What the fuck am I doing with my life...

'That's their road love, not yours'

Yeah... I know... but it still made me wonder.. what could've been... I've wasted 4 years of my life chasing something that I thought I wanted... and one word that could describe my feelings rite now is...

...abandoned.

Words could never truly reveal what is hidden behind this shattered ruins of what once was a heart. I will now and forevermore swallow my words, and keep moving on through this sickening, muddy life.

Saraba