useless

have you ever feel, that when something happens, something bad, and you have no control over it....
no control whatsoever?
have you ever missed that one chance to make things right? but hell, wish all you want, but that chance would never return....
have you ever make one small mistake, a mistake that escalates into something of catastrophical  proportions?
have you tried to fix something, but instead, you make things worse?

useless...
you'll feel so useless...because there's nothing you can do about it...
as you watch the things that is most important to you, the ones who you loved most,suffer for your uselessness.....
when you become the source of their pain....
how ironic....
the one you swore to protect, ends up being hurt by your hands.....
so damn useless.....


i am useless.

sleepless night

i dont know what else to do....everything i do would hurt you...your trust in me is no longer there i suppose....perhaps, all of the things that happens was because of me...but the one who took the blame was you... believe me when i say, my love for you has never change.... if you think that i am ignoring you, forgive me... if i can no longer comfort you with the things i do, or the things i said, im truly sorry... and to thought that things would be easier if i changed.....i was a fool.... if this is His way of testing me, so be it.... i trust that my love for you overcome these challenges.... i will not curse Him for testing me, i thank Him... please love, never doubt me.... the things i said are honest and true... i love you, and only you.... you said that you dont think that you can endure this no longer, i was heart broken.... i felt like you're giving up on our love.... i will never give you up.....you're the only thing worth fighting for.....

i love you, always...

choices

one after another, we would face with difficult choices..even if there is no right choice, you still have to choose. the choices, like it or not, we'll just have to live with it...
true, that some choices would hurt, but for the sake of something more important than you're own selfishness, you just have to endure....
things might not go the way you wanted, but never for a second lose sight of your goal, of you're plans.....of you're future...be strong and keep your head held high....
keep telling yourself that every storm will pass...
all in good time, things would be right for you, things will finally follow your way....but until that time, never go down without a fight...
at least, even if you go down, you go down swinging....

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded gun complex, cock it and pull it


all these challenges would be overcome...in time.....
for now, being patient with everything that's happening is the only thing that can bee done.


till next time...
sayonara~

Ants

There are more than 12,000 species of ants all over the world. An ant can lift 20 times its own body weight. If a second grader was as strong as an ant, she would be able to pick up a car! Some queen ants can live for many years and have millions of babies! Ants don’t have ears. Ants "hear" by feeling vibrations in the ground through their feet. When ants fight, it is usually to the death!

When foraging, ants leave a pheromone trail so that they know where they’ve been, Queen ants have wings, which they shed when they start a new nest. Ants don’t have lungs. Oxygen enters through tiny holes all over the body and carbon dioxide leaves through the same holes. When the queen of the colony dies, the colony can only survive a few months. Queens are rarely replaced and the workers are not able to reproduce.

scars

every scar has it's own story to tell...
behind each scar, there are sadness....laughter... disappointment....
some scars hold important history for a person....
some holds the key to the change of a person....

yes, scars define us all....
it shows the sadness we've been through.....
the hardship we overcome...
it shows that we are strong...
and it reminds us what we once were...
it reminds us that the past was real...

some scars heal....while others not so much.....
the scars that heal, never truly heal...they will still leave a mark...
at certain moments, these scars would hurt, threatening to rip open....
and the past would come back to haunt us....

but be strong....
these scars are proof that we are strong.... what we have been through...
so, be proud of your scars...
accept them, they will always be a part of you....

*listening to Scars by Papa Roach *


adieu~

so far away

Never feared for anything.
Never shamed but never free.
A laugh that healed my broken heart with all that it could

Lived a life so endlessly.
Saw beyond what others see.
I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could

Will you stay?
Or will you stay away forever?

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.
Place and time always on my mind.
I have so much to say but you're so far away.

Plans of what our futures hold
Foolish lies of growin' old
It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold.

A final song, a last request
A perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find a place in my mind

Where you can stay,
Or you can stay away forever.

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned.
Place and time always on my mind.
I have so much to say but you're so far away.

Sleep tight, I'm not afraid.
The ones that we love are here with me.
Lay away a place for me
'Cause as soon as I'm done, I'll be on my way
To live on eternally.

How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay
When I had so much to say and you're so far away.

I love you
You were ready
The pain is strong and urges rise
But I'll see you
When He lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands untied.

So far away.

I need you to know

So far away
And I need you to,
Need you to know...

pum pum.

well, guess what.....i made a new friend tonight.
i called him pum pum. he's a very good listener. too bad he can't talk. owh, and he's a pumpkin head. :|

i got soo bored, that i came to the level of talking to in animate objects. i wanted Fake to keep me company, to be close to me. But too much has happened that it made being close to Fake and spending time with her seem impossible. I've gone a long way form the old me. true, i still get moody sometimes. But i can bounce back twice as fast as i used to. Fake had been in a lot of pressure lately, so this change of mine is really important. I will take the responsibility of keeping Fake happy with her life.

i was lonely, its fine :)
i got no one to talk to, its fine :)
i made friends with a pumpkin head so i could keep myself company, its fine :)

everything is fine now... im not easily hurt anymore....
this is a new me, more matured then ever. and my mission is to ensure Fake's happiness :)


so when you read this, Fake, please know that im fine.... i can take care of myself. :)

lots of love :)



i'm out. got tonnes of work to do.
PEACE!

conflict

Every now and then, we would encounter situations that can be classified as conflicts. conflicts are bound to happen in any human relations because, as the name suggested, we are only human. These unpleasant situations are triggered by the disagreement or differences between two parties. 

   "Sometimes these differences look trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is at the core of the problem, such as a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy. (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq8_conflict_resolution.htm)

Here are some ways to overcome conflicts.

1. Communication.

    Whenever a conflict arises, the first thing to establish is the communication. Talking. Try to find the root of the problem. Once the problem is identified, actions to solve the problem could be taken. on thing to remember in this stage is keeping your temper (talking from experience here). Try being as rational and emotionally uninfluenced. When emotions are involved, things might get difficult. keeping a level head is the key to a successful communication.

2. Toleration (give and take)

    In creating a good communication and relation, the parties involved must be considerate with one another. The parties need to be tolerant and try to understand the opposite parties. When we try to understand them, we would be able to figure out what is the source of the disagreement. Try and create a situation where both parties win. Either that, or try to work something out and reach an agreement.

3. Acceptance

   One way or another, we have to try and accept what the other party is going through. If the fault is ours, we must accept our wrongdoings and apologize. Clear things out with the other party. If it is their flaw, just accept them as it is.

4. Focus on the problem.

   The tendency to go off topic is very high. As a result, the conflict would lead to another, much bigger, conflict. Stay on the topic. Rather than trying to win the argument, focus on resolving the matter at hand.

5. Leave the past in the past.

   It is a bad habit to evoke a past. Let it be. Bringing up things never help to resolve the conflict and more often than not, it worsen the current conflict or even trigger another conflict. Just stay on the current issue. In order to create a peaceful resolutions, we must learn how to let things go.

6. Self control.

    Self control is very important in any argument or conflict. We must learn how and when to back down in each situation. If we pushed things too far, things would get tense and the situation would become very hard to resolve, fast. Whenever thins get too heated, take a step back and calm yourself before things go go out of control.

7. Avoidance

    Avoiding a conflict is usually a the way everyone choose. It is easy, and no complications. But BEWARE. Running away doesn't solve anything. 

Conflict can be distressing. True. But, if you think positive and see it as an opportunity, it can help you in various ways such as the process of growing up and being more mature.

i just got, as you can say, INSPIRATION to write in my ever so lonely blog.... :)

i was bored so i started to blog walking, as Fake usually do when i don't update my blog or when she's bored....
so it turns out, blog walking is kinda fun.....
sooo many people blogged about 'useful' stuff :)
just one regret though.....they have tonnes of followers.....
(and i'm like, WHY WON'T ANYONE EVER READ MY BLOG AND FOLLOW IT!!)
so sad........ :'(

i guess no one follows my blog coz i write only personal stuff.....
well, hell!
i'll write what i wanna write coz Fake loves it!!

here's a pic of her...enjoy~

but next time, i promise to write something worth reading~ :)





MiQatsum out! PEACE!

a dedication to Fake and Stoneface.

well, i can't say that i know what love is.....no one knows... only He knows what love really is...
the love that i know, heh, is not an ordinary one. :)

so, this post, i dedicate to myself and to my lovely Fake...the story of love....

love...the one that i know of, is full of surprise.....
i thought that in love, you should try your best to make your partner happy....
i thought that in love, you should never hurt  your partner's feeling....
i thought that in love, words are enough to show your love....
i thought that in love, actions can either hurt or heal....
i thought that in love, only happiness exist...that sadness isn't love....
i thought that in love, you must support each other the best you can....
i thought that in love, failure is the end....

the hell, that was my biggest mistake. THINK.

i just realized, thinking wont work.....
i've wasted so much time, thinking....
planning....
figuring out what i should do next....
i've done too much thinking, that i forgot to enjoy....
love isn't like that....
enjoy what you have, and have a goal for the future....
what happens in between, well, we'll have to figure it out as we go along..... :)

this is me, taking a step back and enjoying love...


peace!

dedication to fake iv

love isn't easy.....things would get rough from time to time......
things might look like they are falling apart.....but you just have to brave it through....
the reward? your bond wold be stronger..... your love, deeper....
hell, my Fake and i have been through a lot of fights..... (well, most of them my fault :| )
and was really greatfull that Fake would still love an  idiot like me....
all the sacrifices she made....the pain she felt.....the things she had to put up with...
i know quite well that i am a real hand full and i know it is very tiring to keep me happy...
all i needed to do is show her that her effort is appreciated....
damn, i really sucked at showing appreciation......
all i could do is say thanx....sometimes, randomly i would say thanx, for no apparent reason...
maybe thats not enough....she needs to be appreciated, properly.
this is one of my flaws that i am yet to fix....
so, this dedication is dedicated to show my appreciation.

love,

before its too late, i would like to thank you for everything you've done so far....
thanx  for the laughs....for all the smiles that made my day.....
thanx for taking care of me....in my sickness and in health....
thanx for the support you have given me.....
thanx for trying to change me..making me a better man... (i know its hard, sorry for that.)
thanx for the late nights, keeping me company...
thanx for just being there, at times when i needed you most.....
thanx for all those things you did, even when you hated doing it.....
thanx for the tears....am i worth your tears?
thanx for the fights...we grew strong after each one....
thanx for being mad at me.....i learned that i need to grow up....
thanx for being you.....

i  could write on forever, to appreciate all those things you did for me.....
but the most important thing is...

























































































thanx syg, for loving me......

thanks for the loneliness

the sound of the waves.....
so soothing and calm.....
the gentle movements...so peaceful....
happy laughter drifts from the shore....
children, beaming with smiles.....
but somehow, loneliness crept into my soul as i stare at the horizon....
the emptiness of the sea felt so real...
the loneliness so strong, that i felt numb.....
empty....
hearing laughter, i felt nothing...
seeing everyone else having fun, i felt nothing.....
the emptiness gave me a lot to think of......
the loneliness opened my eyes.....

i am weak.....
i am nothing without her.....
like the footprint vanishing at the shore....
washed away by the waves....
not even leaving a trace behind....
i am insignificant......a nothing.....

yes, i am alone....
but i am not.
never truly alone......
i embraced my loneliness.....
then it became my strength..
for i know, she would always be there...

the warmness came back to my heart.....
and a small smile escaped my lips....

thank you....for the loneliness....