dedication to fake iv

love isn't easy.....things would get rough from time to time......
things might look like they are falling apart.....but you just have to brave it through....
the reward? your bond wold be stronger..... your love, deeper....
hell, my Fake and i have been through a lot of fights..... (well, most of them my fault :| )
and was really greatfull that Fake would still love an  idiot like me....
all the sacrifices she made....the pain she felt.....the things she had to put up with...
i know quite well that i am a real hand full and i know it is very tiring to keep me happy...
all i needed to do is show her that her effort is appreciated....
damn, i really sucked at showing appreciation......
all i could do is say thanx....sometimes, randomly i would say thanx, for no apparent reason...
maybe thats not enough....she needs to be appreciated, properly.
this is one of my flaws that i am yet to fix....
so, this dedication is dedicated to show my appreciation.

love,

before its too late, i would like to thank you for everything you've done so far....
thanx  for the laughs....for all the smiles that made my day.....
thanx for taking care of me....in my sickness and in health....
thanx for the support you have given me.....
thanx for trying to change me..making me a better man... (i know its hard, sorry for that.)
thanx for the late nights, keeping me company...
thanx for just being there, at times when i needed you most.....
thanx for all those things you did, even when you hated doing it.....
thanx for the tears....am i worth your tears?
thanx for the fights...we grew strong after each one....
thanx for being mad at me.....i learned that i need to grow up....
thanx for being you.....

i  could write on forever, to appreciate all those things you did for me.....
but the most important thing is...

























































































thanx syg, for loving me......

thanks for the loneliness

the sound of the waves.....
so soothing and calm.....
the gentle movements...so peaceful....
happy laughter drifts from the shore....
children, beaming with smiles.....
but somehow, loneliness crept into my soul as i stare at the horizon....
the emptiness of the sea felt so real...
the loneliness so strong, that i felt numb.....
empty....
hearing laughter, i felt nothing...
seeing everyone else having fun, i felt nothing.....
the emptiness gave me a lot to think of......
the loneliness opened my eyes.....

i am weak.....
i am nothing without her.....
like the footprint vanishing at the shore....
washed away by the waves....
not even leaving a trace behind....
i am insignificant......a nothing.....

yes, i am alone....
but i am not.
never truly alone......
i embraced my loneliness.....
then it became my strength..
for i know, she would always be there...

the warmness came back to my heart.....
and a small smile escaped my lips....

thank you....for the loneliness....

inner conflict

she's not mine...
i don't own her....
she could smile to anybody she wants....
she can laugh at anybody's joke...

she's not mine...
i don't own her...
she can say hi to anyone she wants...
she can talk to anyone she wants....

she's not mine....
i don't own her...
i can't tell her what she can and can't do...
i don't have the rights to do so....

she's not mine...
i don't own her....
i can't force her to keep me company...
i can't ask for her attention all the time...

she's not mine.....

hey Jealous, quit it will you?
it's hard enough as it is....quit making things harder for us....

Heart is right....
just stop it....that's enough....
those are just bulls#it....
i don't need those bulls#it!
i have enough to things think of....
you're focusing on the wrong things...

yeah, Jealous...
you know he's right..
he's Brain...he knows everything about us....
you and that best friend of yours, Greed...
quit being so dominant will you?!
its getting stuffy in here!!
i have to hear all of the other feelings complaint....
and all they complaint about are you two!
i haven't heard from Anger for a while now...

yo, Greed here...
so what? i want her....i need her...
all of her!
everything about her!
i want it all!

Greed...Jealous....
both of you are giving Heart a hard time....
true, love isn't a simple thing...
BUT CHILL OUT WILL YOU!!
both of you are missing what's important...
we have her heart.....what else do you need Greed, Jealous?
you have something no one else have....
just be patient.....
soon, we would mean everything to her....
soon, we would be her world.....
soon.....

when her title change from girlfriend to wife...
we would have everything that we ever wanted....





"i loved you for a thousand years, i'd love you for a thousand more"

If tomorrow never comes.

recent event had made me thinking....

what if today was your last day. that there would never again be a tomorrow. what would you do? your last moments....who would you spend it with? what can you do to make it worth while?

these questions crossed my mind as i watch my Fake cry... (al-fatihah to her departed granfather) for the very first time, i saw my Fake cry...heart breaking...she is the strongest girl i ever met, and the news that she received made her cry....and i only stood there. helpless. as i watch her pulling herself together, a feeling of admiration washer over me. my opinion of her emotional strength is confirmed. she is very strong. then it got me thinking....if that would happen to me....how would i react to a news like that? i realize, i am nothing compared to her. as i watch and praised her, the question hit me.

what if i die the next day. only one more day to live.

the first thing that i would do is seek forgiveness...first, from the almighty Allah, and say thanks for giving me a chance to live....then i'll from my loved ones....i would tell my mom thanx for doing such a great job raising me. i'd thank her for all the meals, the fatigue that she had to go through just to make sure i am ok...and i will tell her im sorry for everything that i have done wrong....then to my father, i will say that im sorry for being o rebellious in the past.....and thank him for teaching me how to be a man.... next, my sisters....i'll tell big sis that i approve of her bf. next, the my most important girl, my ANUM, the one who cherished me....the only one who dared to share her heart with me....i'll dont think any words could convey whats in my heart. the only words that came to mind are:

thank you for the adventure. i am sorry. i love you. 

i know that its not much, but thats all that i can think of in this sadness. 

next, i would spend time with the ones i love. i'll hang out with big sis, i'll talk to little sis, and i will hug mom and dad. and i'll tell them that i love them. then i'll spend time with my Fake...makes sure that she understands that i dont want to see her tears...for my last memory, i would like her to smile... then i would settle all my buisness up here on earth, before the dirt eat me up....

on my last day, i dont want to be alone. i will bathe it the company of friends and family (anum, you are goung to become both)...i'll laugh, i'll have fun. forget about going to see places before you die...i would rather be at somewhere that i am comfortable with...i place like home...i'd eat the most delicious foods (mom's cooking and if possible, anum's too)..i would indulge myself...i would enjoy myself....i won't leave with any regrets

when death comes for me, i will go willingly...i have done enough damage to the world...

if tomorrow never comes.....

letters of apology

dear readers,

i have a very harsh way of spilling my thoughts..
the way i think, the way i speak, will reflect on my writing

i would not delete my post nor will i edit the contents...
what i wrote, i wont take back...
if the things i said hurt anyone, i would sincerely apologize...
even if i delete it, the damage has already been done....

i know that what i've done is wrong...
i also know that this apology wont be enough...
the best method is to apologize face to face....
but im not strong enough to do that...

again, i am sorry.....