The King and The Horse

Do you believe in change? A full 360 degree change? 

Well, i don't.

Change how much you want, but the old part of you will still be there.

Lingering about, waiting for the moment to take back the entity that makes you who you are.

So let me tell you a little story...

The King and the Horse.

There was once a King. 

He was powerful. He was invincible.

Words doesn't affect him, actions are nothing but futile attempts.

Nothing could hurt him, for he have no heart.

He treated the whole world as his enemy.

He cut his ties to the world, and that made him stronger.

He was alone, but he was happy all the same.

Of all the riches he has, there was one item that he treasured most.

His Horse.

His Horse was pure white. A blank slate of nothingness.
It was his friend, his only friend.

The King will never apart from his Horse.

Any way the King went, the Horse would follow.

Little by little, the King's personality, his essence was imprinted onto the Horse.

One fateful day, the King met the Enchantress. 

She was the most beautiful maiden in the land, and the King fell for her in an instant.

The King felt something in his hollow chest, something that he never felt before.

The Enchantress had opened the void, where his heart was suppose to be.

The King was confused for he had never experience such things.

The Enchantress brought the winds of change.

This wonderful change comes with a price.

The King had become vulnerable. The King was weak.

The King had to rely on the Horse for power. 

At first, the Horse didn't mind.
He was happy that the King need to use him again.

This went on for a while.

The King played around with the Enchantress and her schemes,
while the Horse was left alone.

Two summer went by and the Horse has a sudden realization.

'Why do I have to bow down to a powerless King?' the Horse thought.

The Horse became black as night itself.
Envy, Pride, Greed, Wrath had turned the pure white horse into jet black.

Thus, a fight over power ensued.
The Horse wants control over the entity that makes the Horse and the King whole.
Will the Horse overthrow the king? Or will the King reign supreme?
The battle never ends.

Random Ramblings

I'm not me.

I don't even know who i am anymore.

Its all because of you.

What's left of me?

An empty shell.

I am hollow. I am nothing.

Come inside. Step into my void of emptiness.

I AM LOST. 

CHAINS

so, here is an on the spot blogging.
there is this pent up stress in me.. mostly because of being confine to my current state.

Chains are made to bind us. it restricts us, it constricts us.
then yes... it is true that we are defined by what others think us to be.
too many things to consider, too many sides to protect..
then how i ask, that one can discover ones true identity?
how is that possible when there are all of these chains around our neck?
how is it possible to reach our highest potential when you are bind to your bones?
how can we be free?

in hindsight, there is never a freedom. its just a concept.
freedom doesn't really exist.
the society made that illusion to comfort the weak minds of the masses.
we will always be chained..
if not by the insignificant humans, it will be by the power of the Almighty Creator..

we were never destined for freedom.

Asking Alexandria - A Prophecy

How stubborn are the scars when they won't fade away?
Or just a gentle reminder that now are better days?

We'll be home soon, so dry your eyes,
You'll be okay (you'll be okay!)

Oh my God!
The water is rising!
It's rising!
You just have to believe in me!
Failing that I'll ride this storm alone!

We can still make it out,
'Fuck'

I can help you through this,
But you have to take my hand!
I can take you home,
Take my hand,
Take my hand!

I should've known the tides were getting higher.
We can still survive.
They think we're drowning but our heads are still above the waves,
Above the waves.

(I should've known the tides were getting higher)
(We can still survive)
(Above the waves)
(I should've known the tides were getting higher)
(I should've known the tides were getting higher)

We can still survive!

You never said goodbye, goodbye!
[x4]

And now you're on your own!

You never said goodbye!
You never said goodbye, goodbye!

a leader?

heh...if the me 2 years ago so me now, he would die of shock.

here i am, setting a meeting with a foreigner for the English Week, which for some unknown reason i volunteered to be spearheading, (hold your applause, this isn't something to be proud of)

being all official and shit...even i wouldn't believe that im actually doing this...

(p/s: im fucked)

2 years ago, i was just a nobody. a useless screw up. a kid without responsibilities.

now, hell.. im still a useless screw up but this time, i got people who are depending on me..

needles to say, this screw up just got a lot more heat on his ass...

to top that off, im barely hanging on a thread just as it is...

the stress would soon be unbearable but hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

but in not really sure that this wont kill me :|

coping with all this stuff without a reliable outlet my prove fatal, but im doing it anyway...

defiant to the end..hehe.

i guess with my emotional state right now, i can't really write a long post..but at least i am writing..

ja nee~

start a new

yo.. its been a while..
i happen to have ample amount of free time so i decided to rekindle my long forgotten blog.

so yeah... its the new semester...
time for things that are new...
i got a new phrase to hold by..its inspired by Stephen King's book / movie 'the dreamcatcher'

"Same Shit Different Day"

or SSDD for short. on the surface, it means that even if the settings or things change, the same problems or issues will still occur..
well, more about that later...

first i'm going to talk about the new kid in class..
well, he seems good. i don't really mind how he is. i just liked that there's another guy to befriend... hehe.

truthfully, i don't give a damn about someones past..
it's their past.. who they are now is all that matters to me... and there's the thing about first impressions and shit...
some people tries to hard to make a good first impression..
just be yourself...if people can't accept you  for who you are, then live on your own...
that's how i do it...at least, how i used to do it...
heh, things change, so what?

C'est la vie~

moving on!
on to the topic of unity.
well, recently, there was a commotion due to the soccer game.
winners starts to brag and undermining the other team..
yeah, true that there will always be winners and losers
but seriously? do you need to say awful things?

kutuk2 org yg klh wtpe? de faedah ke? siap ckp lg, kalu team yg dye x support tu menang, dye xnk dok msia da.. i was like, whatttttt.....
hang bodo ke pe?
hina sgt ea team yg kau x sokong tuh?
it's just a fuckin game, people!
kau bkn maen pown kt tgh pdg tuh...yg lagak kau lg over dr org yg penat2 kehulu kehilir doing their best to entertain you tuh nape?

see, nk semangat, semangat laa... cikit pown gua x kesah...tp xperlu la kn nk memperkacil kecilkan org laen..semangat kenegerian tuh mmg kene de, tp like my friend ckp laa...
"...semangat kenegerian meracuni gerakan persaudaraan tanpa sempadan yg ingin dibina oleh yg seakidah..."

gentle ckp, aku mmg x minat pe2 jenis sport... sbb2 la aku menghindarkan diri from involving myself from the so called '''gentleman's sport'''
alang2 da berbunyi kan, antara mende yg aku anti is mende camni la.. labeling... guys kene ske/fanatik ngan bola... tlg laa...
ok, cukup intermission..
sambung balik....aku kalu org ajak tgok bola, no hal... kalu org tnye aku akn ckp ak neutral...
pe2 lah...
aku x mengutuk org kalu org tuh xcarik pasal...
tolong laa....jgn la membodohkan diri sendiri....

'if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything'

that's what my father always taught me...
sorry for the rojak language...i tend to use rojak if i lost my composure...
again, let's start a new...

new mind set..
new way of thinking....
change for the better....

jaa ne~

expect the unexpected

At a certain point of our lives, we would hear this little phrase..

'expect the unexpected'...i heard it who knows when...

...and it's stuck in my head ever since..

i applied it in my daily life..i try and expect everything...

i plan for everything....

then i learned something that i should have learnt a very long time ago...

.....ACCEPTANCE....

yeah, prepare for every occasion, every outcome...

but predicting the outcome and come to terms with them, are two different things....

i prepare myself for the worse, but unfortunately, i haven't yet find it in me to accept the outcome...

some say that our brain is similar to the central processing unit in a computer, so like any super computer, i develop a backup plan, a firewall.

i discard the lifelong phrase of expect the unexpected..

and replaced it with a new program...

EXPECT NOTHING...

that way, less damage...

expect nothing and hope for nothing....

and the pain would be gone....

crisis averted...no fuss....no hurt..

things would be a lot easier....

adieu..

i need some guidance

what i still don't get, is women.
i don't have a clue about them.. it's so hard to please them...if you do one thing, its not right....
but when you do the other thing, it's still not right....
i'm like a rag doll, being toss around...doing one thing after another..only to find everything i do is wrong.
i raking my brain, trying to do what i think is right...
but still, nothing...
i can't do one thing right.....

in every situation, i would be the bad guy...
i would be the cause...in short, THE PROBLEM.

it is very hard to survive in this ever so changing world....
i did what i think the only safest thing to do was to follow every single thing she wants, but still...
nope...nada...zip...there's no winning.


that's enough for now...

my weakness.

well, everyone has a weakness..

mine is chocolate..its like kryptonyte to me..

i just can't resist those little brown stuff...it's addictive...i've been testing a lot of different chocolate just to find the best kind...

there's chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake, and chocolate almost anything!!
one thing i don't like when added to chocolate is nuts.
more or less, i hate nuts. i'm not allergic or anything i just hate them. it destroys the originality of the chocolate..
well, a little nuts would destroy anything right? :)
you know, nuts...as in madness... owh, you got that? okeyh :) carry on~

well, that's enough of the cover up story :) all being true, that's not my kryptonite
my weakness is PRIDE...
yeah, like the pride of the seven sins...yeah, that kind of pride..
i'm sometimes (most times) will not yield to things just because of my pride...
yeah, some may say im an arrogant bastard, so what? i couldn't care less of what other people think of me..
me lowering my pride? sure, done that lots of times... swore never to repeat it again, yup, done that lots of time too...alas, the world is not kind to the proud...
time has shown the downfall of pride but it is wired to my very existence...i blame my father for this..
his pride is often followed by his WRATH...a very deadly combination....
me? i'm just thankful that i inherit at least some of my mother's patience...

at least am better than my old man huh? well, it's something...
my wrath is still as badass as my old man, but hey, an apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
you get what you're given...
my wrath would more often than not effects my judgment..did some very stupid stuff because i was fueled by wrath...and....regretted it afterwards...that's how my life is folks...
most times, my wrath would get the better of me... heck, all my weakness would get the better of me...
some of the reason for my wrath are reasonable, most are not...i'm idiot like that...
lately, my wrath would not just burn a raging fire and die out.... it would just cool down and become a peace of amber...ready to be ignited again... ignites and burns even hotter than before....
that's just....dangerous...damn....

next in my list of weakness, i have ENVY...
i never had a reason to be envious before...but now, hell, i get envious at the smallest of things...
well, not much to say about envy...
after all, is really close to its best friend, GREED...
well, greed i know pretty well....
it has been in me as long as i can remember....i used to call myself a collector just to cover the fact that i am greedy...
i want everything... i want them all... and when i want something, i want all of it....
for example, i want my girlfriend... i would want everything from her... her time, her attention.... everything...
and when i don't get what i want, envy will take over, followed by pride and wrath....

another defect of mine is GLUTTONY... i eat... a lot.....
i can eat almost anything...i can eat almost any quantity....
and a curse of mine is i don't get fat....i'm just...constant...
i want to gain weight, but i can't.... i just stay the way i am...
even if i gain some weight, i'll lose it faster than i can gain...
i'm slightly underweight but i eat like someone who is over...

well, im getting tired of writing....so, maybe i'll continue some other time....relating to SLOTH and LUST...
come to think of it, maybe the title should be my seven sins...
.....nahh...im to damn lazy to change anything...
let it be....


adieu~

.....i ain't sleeping tonight

soooo.....yeah.......
i was 9gag-ing...ignoring every single homework i have just coz im too freaking bored.....
again, i was browsing through 9gag and came across a very interesting article....
its about a painter...so i did a little bit more research and here is what i found....


his name is Zdzislaw Beksinski. he was born in the town of Sanok, in southern Poland. his childhood was spent during the Second World War. in 1955 he spent several years as a construction site supervisor, which he hated. At that time, he became interested in artistic photography and photomontage, sculpture and painting. but wait, there's more....

those stuff is just the regular stuff...what makes this particular painter stand out is his tragedies in his life....
first and foremost, his wife, Zofia, died in 1998 due to some kind of plague and a year later, on Christmas Eve 1999, his son Tomasz committed suicide. Beksiński discovered his son's body. On 21 February 2005, Beksiński was found dead in his flat in Warsaw with 17 stab wounds on his body; two of the wounds were determined to have been fatal....what's more, none of his art was ever titled and considered cursed.....

here are some sample of his artwork....

for more of his works, go search for them yourselves!

haha! im out~

and the 9gag continues.......

always - bon jovi

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

"Heaven Can Wait"

Here's a song for the nights 
I think too much and 
Here's a song when I imagine us together 
Here's a song for when we talk too much 
And I forget my words 

Heaven can wait up high in the sky 
It's you and I 
Heaven can wait deep down in your eyes 
I'm yours tonight 
Lay your heart next to mine 
I feel so alive 
Tell me you want me to stay, forever 
'Cause heaven can wait 

Here's a song for the one who stole my heart 
And ran so far that cupid couldn't catch her 
Here's a song for the kid who aims so high 
He shot her down 

Heaven can wait up high in the sky 
It's you and I 
Heaven can wait deep down in your eyes 
I'm yours tonight 
Lay your heart next to mine 
I feel so alive 
Tell me you want me to stay forever 
'Cause heaven can wait 

Here's a song for the nights I drink too much 
And spill my words 

Heaven can wait up high in the sky 
It's you and I 
Heaven can wait deep down in your eyes 
I'm yours tonight 
Lay your heart next to mine 
I feel so alive 
Tell me you want me to stay forever 
'Cause heaven can wait 

'Cause heaven can wait 
'Cause heaven can wait

A day of nothingness~

well hello dear readers....how have you been....
even though i know for a fact that at most 2, or if i'm lucky maybe 3, people that read my post, i'm going to pretend like i have a thousand readers eager for me to update my blog from time to time.

so, today, i'm going to talk about the recent events that is happening in my life. After accepting an advice from a certain someone, i am writing things purely as sugar coated as possible.


...
...
...
...
on second thoughts, i can't do this without being personal... so, sorry to waste your time dear readers. I'm going to have to keep this one to myself. By the way, to any of the o so many readers who aren't on facebook, it was my birthday a few days ago (18th January) so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~ tralalalalala~

Maybe i'll tell about the story of how the week leading to my birthday went :)





but not today~
see ya!

swear and curse

*Due to the fact that this blog is for public viewing, the contents of this post has been edited as to not offend the delicate mind hearts of the society.

Being matured is quite hard. Some things are challenging that the mind and emotions are pushed to the limit. The quest for improvement are somewhat not for the weak of heart. Things that will cause the heart to burst are coming one after another, a relentless attack to destroy and deteriorate confidence and happiness. The best thing to do under the circumstances is to keep calm and move along. Become as hard as you  can so these new matured atmosphere will not cave you in. Justice is an important part of maturity. Even if you are stuck in an unjust situation, one must keep calm and try to be as passive as possible. Emotions will be a hindrance if you let them control you. Letting things go is a must. Always keep in mind that throwing a fit is no longer an option. This time around, one must take in all the pain and keep it that way. Even if it hurts, just keep calm and move along.

the bottom line, life is hard.
and it gets harder everyday.
the only way to survive, is to become as bulletproof as u can..
the rest, well....

my dilemma

i HATE humans!

they are so....urghhhh...
i get so irritated by them...in normal circumstances, i am a very tolerable person... i have a pretty high level of patience..but when it comes to those human beings, especially in large numbers, i get so freakin' irritated!
there's no explanation, it just is...i'm really uncomfortable when put into a situation where the whole place is jammed packed with those creatures...usually i avoid those situations by hanging back, staying solitary.... but sometimes it doesn't work. i hate the noise. and the atmosphere. these things are the reason i get so freaking annoyed around a group of humans. humans are somewhat a relentless creatures. they would never be different if they don't wish it.

humans have the need for company. is written in their genetics. they are creatures that can't thrive on their own. they need support, they need followers, they need MORE humans. thus, creates the atmosphere of too many humans, irritating the hell out of me. somehow, im a bit different from those humans. i can be by my self. i prefer solitude. i don't know either it is a defect in my genetic that contributes to the personality or just a god given thing. all i can do is accept the fact that im a bit different for all the masses of human beings who surround themselves with more humans.

i've accepted it and moved on..

am i a writer?

so, yeah....i'm in the process of writing a book. It started out as a crazy idea during the holidays. So far, i've already reached.....wait for it.....the 2nd page.....

So what?! I'm not a professional writer! I'm not ashamed to admit that im a complete amateur. I dont even know what im doing! what do you expect? The idea came when i was reading a really good novel by my favorite author, Derek Landy. He's the one who wrote the badass Skuldugerry Pleasent series. More about that later.

So there i was, reading a very good book, and watching a 1987 zombie movie. Then, a thought crossed my mind. Why don't i try and write a zombie novel? What could go wrong? All you have to do is write, right? So the novel started. and now, i'm finding less and less time to continue my novel because my hours are jammed packed with studies and what not. (truth be told, i mostly spend my days sleeping more than studying)

then a thought crossed my mind.....
if i have the time to write my blog, might as well resume my novel.... :|

humans...huh.

Humans are an annoyance to the world. They are ungrateful, irresponsible, imbecilic, creatures that are eluded by their own pride. These so called perfect creature are nothing more than a speck of dust in a wider scale. They think they are the center of the universe, the key of the existence of every little thing in the cosmos. Pitiful creatures actually. They believe that without them, the world would mean nothing. They believe their own lie. The perfect creatures? I beg to differ. Best creatures ever created, acceptable, but to lift it to the point of perfection, that's just human nature. Its like pride was wired directly into the genetic code of all humans alike. Proud beings, too proud until they forget their roots. And to make things worse, humans have no trust for each other. They betray their own kin whenever they like. These humans would be the end for all of us. The so called perfect creations...they will be the destroyers of this world.

elvis~

Love me tender,
Love me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.

Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin I love you,
And I always will.

Love me tender,
Love me long,
Take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong,
And well never part.

Love me tender,
Love me dear,
Tell me you are mine.
Ill be yours through all the years,
Till the end of time.

(when at last my dreams come true
Darling this I know
Happiness will follow you
Everywhere you go).

happy birthday

hey everyone :) my birthday is just around the corner and here's a few words of wisdom....

Here is a time where childhood is a thing in the past. Where responsibilities hung around your neck like a noose, slowly, tightening around your throat. Suffocating the life out of you. Where naive ideas are shot down without a single explanation. Bam, bam, bam. You crash and burn. Where you are kicked around when you are already down and bleeding. Mercy is only a word. Sympathy is only a concept. A place where lies and deceit are the currency and truth are a myth. Lies are explained by more lies. Conflicts are a norm and peaceful resolution is only an idea. Where two face is a must have skill. Never show who you really are. It would only be your downfall. People would be lining up to have a chance to stab your back, and see who succeeds in bringing you down on your knees. People would give u a hand only to let you down again. This vicious cycle would turn and turn again, never stopping. Trust no one. That's how you survive. That's the only objective of this game, to simply survive. Strive each day to stand on your own two feet, for there is no one to depend on. Everyone is your enemy.

well, guess what....

WELCOME TO THE ADULT LIFE