Life

Life...
I really start to reexamine my life when people who are close to me took another step in their life. This realization that I tried to push down, dawned on me when my sister got married. I got nothing against my brother in law, but the moment they got married, I lost a lil part of my ohana. She took on the role of a wife, and I see her less and less. She's got a whole new life now... the person who I knew my whole life. My sister. I miss the time when she was only my sister. Mine.

And now, my cousin, my brother in arms, a dude who I really get along with (which is rare), whom I admired, the dude who was reckless and way more matured than I will ever be, has taken the next step. He got engaged. Congrats bro, I honestly feel happy for ya.

But somehow, im sad. Where am I in life? Haven't got a job. Have no money to my name. Still childish as hell... it got me thinking.
I was once so sure of my life. So confident of my path. That all changed when she betrayed me. I got lost. And being lost for sowords long changes you...

I trust a little less. I believe a little less.

Im already 24... and hell, im still a mess. What the fuck am I doing with my life...

'That's their road love, not yours'

Yeah... I know... but it still made me wonder.. what could've been... I've wasted 4 years of my life chasing something that I thought I wanted... and one word that could describe my feelings rite now is...

...abandoned.

Words could never truly reveal what is hidden behind this shattered ruins of what once was a heart. I will now and forevermore swallow my words, and keep moving on through this sickening, muddy life.

Saraba

another chapter.....

hey peeps... what up.
Not much to say really... just feel like writing stuff up.
Just last week i had the SPP interview.. which was a huge deal.
The weeks leading up to the interview was honestly the most nerve wrecking time of my life (so far)
Usually, I would be indifferent to the happenings that happens around me, wearing my fake smile and acting like nothing was wrong with the world. But this time, i was really shaken. I didn't sleep well, and even if i did, i'd have nightmares. I was SCARED. The interview would determine whether i'd be posted or not.
The info coming in about the probable questions for the interview really didn't help. It only made me feel even more inadequate in terms of knowledge. The predicted questions are factual and some of it are current issues. How current are we talking bout here? The last few months? Era of the Razak Report? TN50? National Educational Blueprint? DLP? See what i'm spouting off here? I mean like one of the predicted question was "how does rain form". Random much?
The uncertainties of the range of questions really stressed me out. Like come on, what does teaching english got to do with rain? In normal conditions, i have faith that i can spin out some bullshit to give an approximately accurate answer but under the circumstances of an interview? i'd be aaa.. aaa.. aaa..
I don't work well under pressure, so does everyone else. Im only human... (cue christina perri song)
And another thing. The name of the ministers and ministry in full. All the dato, dr, yb, tan sri, etc.

I HAVE A WEAKASS MEMORY, PEOPLE!

and im suppose to memorize all their names? Heck, i can't even remember my lecturers' names for crying out loud. Thus explaining my mental state at the moment. So much uncertainties, so many things to cover. Can you guess what i did? NOTHING. That's right. I did nothing. I was too stressed out to do anything so i just focused on my outfit for the interview and the documents, the things that i can control. And i look hella fineee, if i say so myself. Don't believe me? Look look look...

  

 

 my...my.... who is that handsome devil? Owh shit, rite. Back to the story. 

THE INTERVIEW.

i woke up at 5.15. on the very first alarm. and i think to myself. Me waking up on the first alarm, that's some ominous shit rite there. So the time that i have, i spent calming myself and trying to be positive. And then the wait. Shit, the wait was unbearable. The interview was done in sessions, each sessions 5-6 people would go in. It was a group interview, thus vamping up the ante even more. The interview was suppose to start at 7.30 and well, Malaysians, what do you expect... it started around 8 something. (was too nervous to look at the watch.) It was not until 9.15 that i was called with 4 other people. By the time i was called, i had pretty much calmed down but i was literally shaking standing in front of the door before being let in. The first thing we had to do was introduce ourselves and we did. I almost bit my tongue trying to get words outta my mouth. 

and then it happened. One of the interviewee volunteered to give answers at the same time as me and the polite dance of "go ahead..its okeyh...you first..." actually made me laugh a lil. And everything was smooth sailing from then on. By the end of the interview, i can even make jokes with these strangers. The questions asked were relatively easy, geared towards opinions and ideas rather than facts. Well, that really helped. A LOT. When the interview was over, and we all stepped out of the room, wanna know what's the first thing i said? "Menyesal je stress seminggu"

I was honestly relieved. that part was done. Now what's left is to await the results and prepare for a new chapter in my life...

what? You think this post is about giving tips to people who are going to interview? Hell no... im a selfish, self centered son of a gun remember... every post is all about me.

owh yeah. Hats off to the sumandak who kept level headed all throughout the worst week of my life so far. 

dosvedanya.

Changes.

So hey... been a while dear blog thingy.

Recently, there have been quite a few major changes in my life. One of em is that i am now unemployed. Wu hoo!
Upside: got a whole lot of time for myself.
Downside: im broke af.

I managed to finish my studies (somehow...im not sure) and now im awaiting interview and hopefully posting. Here's hoping.

Another major change is that i found a cute lil junior to keep me company. Well... that's last year's story. Now its ex junior? Hmmm... Well anyways, she's a real weird kid. Just the way i like it. Hahahahaha

Some backstory: She's from Sabah, lives in a cave surrounded by thick jungle. She loves her monkey neighbors.

Pfttt.... Kidding. She's a real cool chick. A bit of a loner (just like me) and have a real stupid sense of humor. She's a real piece of work. And to top it off, she's cute as f**k! And she's short! Well, not midget short. That'd just be weird (no offense to midgets). And man does she have curves.... *mouthwatering*

Another big change is that i managed to maintain my weight. I ain't a stick figure/living skeleton anymore. Yeayyyyy.

Well that's all for now. Adieu.