Chains that bind

I'm in a deep dark place. I've got too much anger, too much hatred inside me that I'm desperately trying to push down. These chains that once held me in place, made me feel like home, are now the ones that tearing up my skin. Cutting through my flesh and leaving bloodied wounds and rust. In this darkness, I so desperately pretend to still have a shred of light in me, a beacon of hope. But in truth, it's pitch black in here. No hope. No ray of light.

And frankly, day by day, I'm seeing less and less of a reason to keep going, keep fighting. It would be much easier to give into the dark. Let it consume me. I lost my fangs. I lost my sight. I've got nothing left in me.

You know about the 'losing the fight but not the war'? Well, tough luck. I lost every single fight, and will keep losing. War? Fuck that shit. This is a bloody massacre. Cloak and dagger shit filled with betrayal and lies.

That's how it is. I got nothing left. No one's gonna save me. No one's gonna tell me it's gonna be alright. No one's gonna ask me if I'm okey.

Save me.

Sleepless nights and endless nightmare

These few days, i haven't been sleeping well. It's not because of the insomnia or the sleeping disorder that i have. It's because of the nightmares.

A few nights ago, i had a dream where I was alone in an empty space. Darkness all around me. At first i didn't feel anything, i thought that I was used to being alone. Then, the rush of emotions hit me like a big freakin truck. Fear, uncertainty, loneliness, betrayal, hatred, anger. All those dark feelings bubbled up and echo around the dark and empty space. Deafening. Covering my ears did nothing. Screams of despair rattled my very bones.

And then, there was silence.

I woke up with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Well that's all folks, next time i'll write about the murder dream I had last night...

Jas ne.

Ongoing

"...a single tear rolls lazily on his cheek from his left eye. Slowly at first. The past can be can be cruel to the future. He tilted his head upwards, trying to stop himself from shedding more tears. The effort of keeping himself strong was to no avail. He shudders as the tears stream down his cloudy eyes. What could have...what should have...in his heart, he knew that those lines of thought was meaningless. As he walks by, his head down in defeat, people will say.. there goes the man who went through hell and back..."

So... what's up readers. I've been away for wayyyy too long. In my spare time I have, (not that i have a lot of them, honestly) I really haven't been thinking of writing here. Why? Cause I was writing elsewhere, thats why.

Remembered when I said i was going to write a book? Well guess what...i still haven't given up! Hahaha. Shocking isn't it. The progress was slow, but hell, im gonna finish this book if its the last thing I do dammnit.

Damn. I'm gonna be busy for a while. See ya!